Secret Empire #0
Now, I’m usually in the business of reviewing number #1 comics only, but I decided this week to mix it up with 1’s besties… 0 and 2!
This time around we have Secret Empire #0! I’m not really sure why they named it #0 instead of #1. Perhaps because it’s an introduction to a re-written universe than the one we’re used to. Although, it read more like a #1 then a prologue so I guess the reasoning will remain a mystery to me…
The cover is amazing. Captain America looks so menacing with the symbol of Hydra emblazoned on his chest. Cap also suffered some wardrobe malfunctions it seems and he’s got a sexy one shoulder thing going on, as well as some thigh showing. If the comic book world is finally realizing they need to appeal to women, they are starting off on the right foot.
We learn right away that Captain America has been a lying piece of $**t our whole lives. Much like our fathers. But Captain America has an excuse unlike our daddies; his reality has been secretly rewritten by Kobik, which if you don’t know, is a sentient cube. Of course. Always a sentient cube with this guy.
Now that Captain America is working with Hydra, he’s basically the best Russian Spy that ever was. I mean, he made it all the way to Director of S.H.I.E.L.D soooo…yeah that’s like if our president was revealed as a Russian- Eh. Never mind.
We begin with a Chitauri invasion, and that’s bad because there are trillions of Chitauri. About four different superhero teams on Earth fighting are them under Captain America’s command and I know that Captain America is bad now, but I still have this feeling he’s going to pull through and remember that he’s a hero.
Alas he is not.
The shields may be up and the Chitauri may be stopped, but Hydra is using this is as their grand opportunity to take over once and for all.
I always kinda liked Hydra. I like when women lead things, and I also really like Bob. Bob’s the best.
Two sides to every story I say, but Sharon Carter isn’t on board with that idea. She sees the world in black and white, and for some reason Steve Rogers still loves her even as a turned spy. TURNCOAT!!
I love shouting that.
Our heroes are learning that the Chitauri invasion was the perfect excuse for Hydra agents to get in, though they don’t know who has gotten through the shield or why, yet. They also don’t know who let them in, save Sharon Carter.
America need not worry though because the Cap’s best frenemy, Tony Stark, is on the case! YOU CAN’T OUTSMART THIS GUY. WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN TRY?!
Zemo is on a boat on the Hudson River because…um… well I imagine just because it’s fun and he’s celebrating a big WIN. Fly the W amiright? He is with someone named Bob, but I don’t think this is the Bob I’m friends with. And by “I’m” I mean Deadpool. I don’t think this is the same agent Deadpool is friends with. Or at least I hope not. Otherwise I’ve been outsmarted and duped by TWO guys I trust. Anyways Bob AKA Blackout has created a darkforce dimension in NYC. I am in New York right now and I can tell you that this is indeed true. He has succeeded.
But the superheroes have assembled on Capitol Hill and we’re going to find out what goes down is Issue #1!!
Wow that felt weird. Still wondering why they called this #0. But that doesn’t keep me from being excited to see how this story unfolds!