Spider-Men II

Sorry to all my millions of fans for this long hiatus, my life changed dramatically, but what didn’t change is my love for comic books so I’m back now and ready for action. And as promised that last time I wrote, I have more Spider-Man to talk about. This time we’ve got a team up from alternate worlds! It is the Peter Parker and Miles Morales team-up of the century!! This story begins with both of them having been tied up and hung upside down together. I have no idea what they did to get themselves into this mess, but they must be dealing with some very nice criminals to spare their lives like that. Miles saves the day by performing one of his “mega venom” blasts. Unfortunately, the criminals just barely get away on their jet plane and Peter blames Miles for this. What a jerk.

miles
Miles has the better costume so Peter can eat dirt

Oooo, so this book is one of those look what’s happened and let’s keep you on a string and then we’ll go back and tell you how this happened. Sounds good to me. I love that storytelling trick. I mean, there’s only about two ways to start a comic book if you really think about it.

So now that we’re in the story we begin with Peter doing a quick computer search looking for Miles Morales, the one from his universe that is. Because Miles Morales actually lives in a different universe from the Peter Parker we know, and in Miles’ universe Spider-Man was killed and so Miles decided “Hey, I can do that. Honor his memory and kick butt and whatnot, plus I’ll get a cooler costume.” BUT in alive Peter’s universe he wants to know if Miles exists there. And I think he does, because the next page Miles is rushing into class ten minutes late with a freshly printed term paper in hand. Printers are so annoying and unreliable. When will we stop cloning sheep and start making printers not suck?!

But I digress…

Now that Miles is safe in class, Peter is in danger fighting some huge armadillo. Yes. A huge armadillo. Something along the lines of “Armadillo-man.” I don’t know. I would make more fun of this, except that Peter seems to be very self-aware of the joke of a criminal he’s fighting against and pokes fun at him the whole time.

FLASH to Miles. He notices a girl from his class for the first time. As if he’s seeing the world with fresh eyes. As it turns out Miles has known her all year and only noticed her today because she wore a pink hat. Cute. But isn’t that how it goes? One day you look at someone and you’re like hmph, I never realized this person is attractive. Especially when you’re preoccupied with saving the world on a near-daily basis.

Suddenly a giant iron ball falls in the middle of Miles’ campus and interrupts his conversation with “Barbara.” He swings into action and meets up with Peter on a building in the city immediately. They follow the iron balls into a warehouse, a familiar warehouse. It’s the warehouse where they first met. Because Mysterio was going in and out of universes and then apparently the universe they’re now in is the universe of all universes. I don’t know but I’m just going to nod along and pretend I know what they’re talking about.

Why do these writers even bother coming up with these crazy ideas? Let’s just accept the fact that Superheroes don’t die and don’t age and be happy. Stop making up crazy universes and moving mutants through time. Or don’t. Actually definitely don’t. I feel smart when I talk to people about this kind of stuff in comic books because it confuses them. I TRICKED THEM ALL.

WOW! You guys should buy this comic book, the taskmaster just showed up to smoosh these little spiders.

THEN….

SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE…

An all grown-up Miles Morales comes back home to his mansion from walking his little fluffy puppy and a lady in a white dress tells him that he’s got to go to New York because the Taskmaster just showed up. And Miles, with his scarred up, “I’ve seen it all” face, is not too pleased with this development.

miles morales older
I fink u fweeky n i like u a lot

This was a good one. Two good characters team-up, one that’s really funny and one that has girl drama, it’s the perfect buddy-cop scenario. It’s also funny that they have the same name. Not knowing who is talking to whom will be RIPE for hijinks to ensue. “Hey Spider-man, not you, Spider-man!”

I can tell I’m gonna like this one. I bet their going to have a falling out and not be friends and try to solve the case on their own, and then they’re going to be friends again and team-up to save the day. If I’m right, everyone owes me $1.

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