I know guys. Hold your applause.
I went to my local comic book store for the first time in at least a few months and it was just so exciting to be inside one again. I usually get my comic books off of the Marvel app and before that was Comixology. Anyways, I went in and they were open an extra hour longer than usual because it was Wednesday. (New Comic Book day for any n00bs out there.) And lucky for me because they usually close at 7 pm and I came waltzing in at 7:15. They had some good shit, but not as good as my old comic book store in NYC. I recently moved to Chicago and these stores are nothing like Forbidden Planet, but really who could compare to that store? I am just grateful this one is in walking distance from my stately manse where I reside in the town of boys.
Also! I took a weird way home today after my visit and found another comic book shop within walking distance so I will have to check out that place next Wednesday. I think I might start buying paperbacks only again, I go through phases of digital and paper. But how will I ever sell my comic book collection to make my first movie a la Kevin Smith if I only have digital copies of shit?
Okay, sorry about that “dear diary” bull sh*t. Let’s get into it.
FIRST OF ALL, Kelly Thompson wrote this shit, so I have high expectations okurr? I’m also digging the art so shouts to the artist, Pere Perez, too.
This story starts with a brief, but beautiful collection of art that depicts the past tumultuous romance between Rogue and Gambit.
We get a brief prologue of a few rando mutants who are for some reason running low on their powers and running away from something scary chasing them. We don’t get to see what is chasing them because allofasudden we’re on the next page and good ol’ Storm is sitting at the control of the danger room in full costume.
I’ll never understand capes.
They don’t seem conducive for hand-to-hand combat, but I can see why they might be necessary for someone like Storm, because she basically wears a bathing suit as her costume, so if she gets cold she can use it as a blanket. Gambit is another story entirely.
So, Gambit comes strolling into the control room and he calls Storm “Stormy.” You know like the porn star that Trump had an affair with, or if you prefer like the baby Kylie Jenner birthed, whom she named after a porn star. ALL NORMAL THINGS.
Storm is like “don’t call me that you fu*king goon.” Then Gambit is all “No.” Then Storm is like “Rogue is in the danger room playing with Sentinals” So Gambit responds in the most Gambit-y way ever,
“Deal me in.”
He joins Pixie, Psylocke, Armor, and Rogue in the danger room. They fight this thing for what I imagine is about 10 seconds before a Sentinal smashes Rogue into the ground and Gambit flips out. Everyone is like “She has the powers of a Kree, dummy, she can handle this shit.” But he still swoops in on her dramatically to show that he loves her.
Why do dudes show up in your life like this all the time? What is going on in-between their relationship with the girl they always go back to? THAT’S what I want to know.
Armor is like, “this is awkward let’s get the heck out of here.” Then Pixie is a creep and a half and she’s like “omg this is so hot.” And Psylocke is like “Let me tell you all about their relationship, ladies.” So they leave them on the floor with their googly eyes staring at each other.
But, Rogue for some reason does not want to get laid this day, so she pushes him off of her and he follows her out. Then he invites her to dinner and Rogue is like “no, weeee are never ever ever getting back togetherrr!”
But he won’t stop hounding her because he has no respect for women, so she hits him with the “I can’t control my powers anymore so we can’t touch” And now I know why she doesn’t want to get laid today because she physically cannot. That’s a really great excuse if you’re Rogue though. “Sorry, I can’t date you because if I kiss you, I could kill you. Bye.” It’s like when a girl you’re trying to get with tells you she’s been on her period for two years.
Did you forget about the brief prologue with the rando mutants? Ya me too.
So here’s why that whole thing happened.
Kitty calls Rogue into her office and tells her about a mission she wants Rogue to go on.
A private retreat that promises to free mutants of their “Trauma” V suspicious.
Also, I should note that Kitty’s ponytail is gone. Great news because this woman has to be like 35 by now.
The retreat is for mutant couples I guess, so that means Rogue and Gambit have to go. And it works extra well because it’s for couples with problems. Nice.
They fly out on a private jet with champagne, and we finally understand why Gambit has come back.
Rogue kissed Deadpool. Amazing. Gambit heard about it from the other mutants and his pride is very hurt because Deadpool “doesn’t even have a face.”
Rogue is like “I did not kiss him, I made out with him. And it was awesome.”
I’ll bet. Ryan Reynolds with or without scars, I’ll take it.
So they land, and before I go on I have to talk about this bitch’s outfit. Thigh-high leather boots, leather gloves up to her armpits and a bright green mini dress. NO way is that the least bit attractive. Gambit is wearing a normal short sleeve button up, a fitted pair of shorts and reasonable sneakers. And they’re landing here undercover, that shit is not undercover Rogue! She looks like a sex worker. No offense to sex workers.
Immediately upon landing, they meet this woman with a boring beige outfit who spices up her look with an ascot. Nice touch. And she senses their tension immediately, so the plan is working I guess.
They find their bungalow and it’s gorgeous. There’s champagne on the bed and you can see the ocean from the floor. They go outside and their neighbors swim over their gorgeous bungalow to say hello. They make plans to go for drinks later and Rogue is like “there’s something off about them, they’re nice.”
Gambit calls her cynical, but that’s because he’s dumb.
They head to their therapy session and Remy is like, “Rogue, this could really help us. I want to be with you, but you need to want to be with me, too.” And “Rogue is like, we’ll see.”
Then This Happens.
I can’t wait to read #2! Then #3 and I think that’s as far as it is out right now, but I’m not sure. I’m way late on this. If you’re not reading this series, I heard it only gets better and better. Also, let’s support Kelly Thompson as she is becoming a literal hero of mine and my favorite storyteller at Marvel.
Next Week – It’s Old Man Hawkeye #1. Cause you know how much I love Hawkeye. 🙂