Crowded #1 Comic Book Recap

Hiiii. OMG, how are you?

I’m fantastic because I just found another comic book series to be obsessed with by Image. This book is called Crowded and it’s a comic book set in the near future like literally, this shit could become a thing next week.

Crowded is written by Christopher Sebela with art by Ro Stein and Ted Brant. This cover I got ya’ll looking at is by Rachael Stott doe.

Well, friends, this one was a good one. I’ll give you a brief background on what this little story is about. Basically, in the future, there is this app called REAPR where you can hire people to murder someone you hate by crowdfunding the kill. Sometimes no one offers to get the person killed and so no one is like “I’m not killing them for free.” And if you get a huge crowd-funding, for say an awful President, who a lot of people hate, you could get up to a million dollars if you murder this guy. Mostly if you’re not hated by millions of people then that probably won’t happen, if you’re like the worst most-hated person in a high school you might get $500 for your death.

So the story takes place with the main girl, Charlie, she has pink hair, she is meeting with a DFENDR or something that she found on the app who is going to protect her from all the people who want to murder her. Which is a shit-ton. The price on her head is at about 1.2 million dollars. Not a normal price for a basic bitch who isn’t famous and is just trying to make it day-by-day. Her DFENDR, Vita, has a rating of 1.4 stars on her DFENDR page. No one knows why she believes its because she’s not flashy. So both of these bitches are lying about something and WE gotta figure it out.

Charlie meets with Vita at this fast food place which is surprisingly empty minus a janitor, and Charlie rushes in there late scared for her life. Vita is like you’re late, and Charlie was like yeah I was ducking people trying to kill me. Then the janitor pulls an AK-47 out of his mop bucket and points it at Charlie, but Vita shoots him first.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.10.22 PM
The gun was wet! Would it have even worked?! HOW DO GUNS WORK!? I NEVER LEARNED!

 

Vita is like “btw your REAPR campaign is at 1.2 million dollars.”

Charlie is like “I’m on REAPR. FUCK.”

Vita is like “yeah and that’s too much money for the average person, what did you do to get on this site and why do you have so many backers?”

So Charlie takes her through her crazy ass day, which goes like this.

Charlie: So I wake up in the morning, get hot, drive for MUVER and DRIFT, Rent out my apartment on PADHOP, Trade out my car on WHEELSY, Rent out my dress on KLOSET, walked some pets on DOGSTROLL, Hung out with some children for CITYSITTER, and blah blah blah you get it? Her fucking life is all apps. She does some more app-related shit before she heads to a bar and goes home with some rando. The next morning she gets some piping hot coffee and an old lady pulls a gun on her, so she pours her hot coffee on the lady. And stole the lady’s dog. And then someone tried to shoot her from the sky. And that’s when she knew that multiple people were trying to kill her.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.13.07 PM
I really hope this old lady comes back and is the one to kill Charlie after her face is all scarred up. Then she goes on to be one of greatest villains of all time with this origin story.

 

Vita holds the doors of the restaurant closed with her belt, but the murderers begin to pile up outside anyway because Charlie used her card to order some food. Vita steals her fries before a car comes crashing onto the scene.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.16.40 PM
Not a bad ROI running your vehicle into a restaurant to murder someone worth a million dollars.

 

Vita intimidates the shit out of these random nobodies coming to collect a million dollar reward with her gun and shit talking. They get into Vita’s weird mustard yellow car that looks like its from the 60s and they take off to a safe place which turns out to be Vita’s haunted mansion.  But before they make it to the mansion dumb-ass Charlie is on her phone this time and people start tracking her location and Vita has to do some quick shit to take out some pedestrians. She does this for fun or to save Charlie. It is unclear.

Later, at the mansion, Charlie is like “this place is awful.” Vita is like “okay, bye.” Then Charlie is like “give me alcohol and I’ll stay” and Vita is all, “okay.”

So Vita is gettin this already hoe-ass girl, Charlie, completely toasted.

Charlie gets a drink in her and continues to explain to Vita how her day went and why this could all be happening to her. After a few people attempt to murder her so order a MUVER to where her car is parked and finds that it has been blown up.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.31.06 AM
Cause baby ur a firewooorkkkkkk!!! Come on show em what urrrr worth—!!

 

So then she goes home, and we don’t know what happened because she gets distracted during her storytelling because she’s drunk and starts looking around Vita’s weird old lady house.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.34.18 AM
This hoe is the essence of hoe. 

 

Vita explains that she lives in a big old lady house by herself because she hates people and the place has great parking. Vita decides that she is hungry and moves on to the kitchen with Charlie trailing behind. The TV is still on and the news story they are broadcasting now is that there was a massacre at Echo Park. Charlie sneakily turns the TV off while explaining that nothing happened to her at her apartment before following Vita into the kitchen.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.51.19 PM
SNAP CRACKLE POP! Goes the TV like a bowl of Rice Krispie Treats.

 

Charlie apparently made spaghetti and meatballs for the two of them during this time because the next panel she’s serving up a couple of plates for them. And now I really want some spaghetti.

Charlie: I spit in your pasta. Also, why are you a bodyguard, and why is your rating 1.4?

Vita: I can’t believe people want you dead. I wrote why I became a bodyguard on my profile. Didn’t you read it?

Charlie: No. Tell me the story.

Vita: I was a private contractor before. Not much else to say.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.47.18 AM
How long ago is this memory? She’s wearing the same clothes TODAY! WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE!

 

Vita is clearly a liar, but let’s get back to that other lying twat, Charlie.

Vita: Where are your friends?

Charlie: No one responded to me.

Vita: Do you have any exes?

Charlie: I sleep with all of my friends so technically they are all my exes.

Vita: I can tell that you think you don’t deserve what’s happening to you. That doesn’t mean that you don’t.

Charlie: You’re mean.

Vita then throws a file at Charlie. It is a list of people who donated to kill her.

All of a sudden Charlie is too drunk to function so Vita takes her to bed.

The dog wants out, so Vita takes the dog with her to bed.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.52.27 AM
I know I’m late, but why the fuck is she wearing ballet flats with that outfit?

 

Vita then creepily tells herself not to get attached to the dog or Charlie.

Charlie wakes up and sneaks back to the kitchen to make a phone call to her friend Francie whose name she recognized from the list, and decides to threaten to kill her. Which turns out fine because then this happens.

What kind of asses are those? Did the Kardashians show up to kill her, too? THE END! Or to be continued. This one is fun. I can’t wait to learn the twist. And since this is Image, it is bound to be a good one! What do you think is going to happen to Charlie and Vita? Will they fall in love? Will Charlie get murdered? And if so, by who!? Who put the hit out on her head? And why did so many people back it? I mean she does look annoying, but a million fucking diamonds- I mean, dollars. That’s crazy. Will the dog survive?! If they kill the dog in this fucking comic book I will literally put a REAPR out on every single person involved in the making of this comic.

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