Hit Girl Season Two Issue #9 Recap

Hit-Girl is finally going to India!

I don’t know why I said that. It’s not like we were waiting for her to go to India.

Or were we?

I digress.

Another banger in season two this time from Peter Milligan and Alison Sampson. Kevin Smith was behind the other stories from Season Two including when Hit-Girl took Hollywood.

Now if you know comic book betch, then you know I loves me some Hit-Girl. I love how she’s doing all these four-part mini series cracked into one book. That way I can do #1 recaps of Hit-Girl all the time! Yay!!

We begin with Mindy back on a plane. I think she’s first class because the flight attendant knows her by name and offers her a kids’ breakfast, but Mindy opts for black coffee and a copy of the Mumbai Times.

What kinda fucking breakfast is that?! You want these kids shitting all over the walls?!

Bitch whatchu mean you ain’t got no plan?

She reveals that she doesn’t know what she’s doing there yet. Which is fine, ya know see the world while you’re young. Not everything has to be a mission.

But it does seem like she’s not traveling for pleasure and is indeed looking for work.

So then we’re in this rich persons house and he’s on the phone with his thugs. Apparently the rich guy on the phone likes to pick up street kids and mutilate their bodies and then send them back out onto the street. I don’t know how this could make you rich so I’m going to assume it’s just another rich man’s hobby.

“I’m a collector of three-limbed children. Hmm yes, just another rich man’s hobby!”

The thug the rich man was on the phone with decides to capture some kids for his rich employer. He beats up two little boys and throws them in the back of his car. An easy gig if you can get it. Must be nice. I mean these are kids. And starving kids on top of it. That job must be so easy.

Anyways it’s not a long time before Mindy attacks the car.

Nice necklace lock.

She easily takes down the guy and his accomplice driver.

A thirteen year old girl just sliced a man’s forehead in front of us! COOL!! That will not scar us for life at all!!!

Mindy takes the boys home, or back to their street that is, and the boys are less than grateful. Fucking dummies. They’re like “oh you’re not Spider-Man” and she defends herself telling them that she had to know exactly what she was seeing before she attacked and saved them and the boy whines “they almost hit me.” ALMOST? Motherfucker you were almost kidnapped and mutilated and you’re upset that the woman who saved you didn’t come the moment before the guy raised his hand to ALMOST hit you? This kid is an idiot but apparently extremely well-read because when Mindy calls herself a cultural imperialist, the boy owns her about her own ignorance.

It’s not a sex thing? So like he’s totally not interested in little boys in a sexual way? Would he be sexually interested if you were missing a limb? He would. Okay yeah it’s a sex thing. Everything is a friggin sex thing.

He lets her know what the thug’s mo is. Which is something the reader already kind of knows because the rich guy was talking about taking away children’s limbs. But yeah apparently the rich guy likes to cripple children and have them beg for him?

Sure, we all need multiple forms of income in this economic climate so who could blame the guy? That’s just smart business sense.

So next, after offering Mindy a meal from the trash, the kids gather round to listen to the news. Because, kids in this world fucking love news.

The story they are doing is about the Hijari which are group of southeast Asians who identify as a “third gender” which I believe means trans, since in the next panel more thugs are beating these women up and telling them they shouldn’t have cut off their penises. They could also be hermaphrodites? Seems to be all women and they worship a goddess deity. This is most likely male-female transgendered people.

The thugs continue to beat up these women and some of them are pretty old so it’s pretty fucked up. The Hijari tell the men that they will curse their sons which scares off two of the thugs but one has quote “already had a vasectomy.” So he continues to beat them all up.

Technically they have, too.

Apparently this isn’t just a run of the mill hate crime and the Hijari owe money to whoever these thugs work for. Is it the same rich guy from the beginning? I don’t know yet. Could be unrelated.

CUT TO: BBC WORLD NEWS HEADQUARTERS

A reporter, Aubrey, and his boss are discussing doing a story on the Hijari. The boss wants the reporter to “spice up” the story and sexualize it and make it about prostitution, but the reporter doesn’t want to do it because he says they’re not all prostitutes. And that they can bless the heads of boys or something even though they can’t bring life.

Why is everybody so mad at prostitutes?!

The boss is still like no, and your show is boring and if doesn’t stop being boring you’re going to get pushed to three minute stories at 3am. Aubrey is like I don’t care I want the people to know their story. And the producer is like “why do you care about those weirdos”

And it turns out he is married to one of the Hijari. He comes home and finds her with a black eye and he knows that the gangs are after the Hijari again and they want them to prostitute themselves to pay the gang. He says he’ll call the police but his wife, Prema says that the police commissioner is in the gang’s pocket and they can’t think of anyone who could possibly help them.

CUT TO: TEENAGE VIGILANTE HIT GIRL FUCKING SHIT UP.

Mindy is trying to get people to talk but the people of Mumbai are not afraid of death. Makes sense because according to their religion they will be reborn again. Since her tricks aren’t working she’s just killing people and letting them start their new lives.

Wouldn’t it be crazy if he survived and just got mutilated and then joined that gang she’s trying to find, and then he comes back like you did this to me!! And she’s like Whoaaaa!! WHOAAA!!!

Mindy decides that she’s chasing a dead end with the mutilated beggars, but she’s been thinking a lot about the Hijari since she heard the radio show with the beggar boys. She feels “connected” to them because she dresses up to hide who she is and they dress up to show who they are. Which is the opposite of something you can do but oookkkayyyy Mindy whatever you say.

She gives it once last shot at finding out who the Beggarman is, the guy who mutilates children, because she sees a mutilated boy rolling around in a cart because his legs are all twisted up. She says she’ll give him a dollar if he gives her more information. The boy grabs the dollar and rolls down a hill in his cart right into traffic.

WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING LONG RHYTHMIC GYMNASTICS SASHES BEHIND YOU?!

She loses him in the traffic and heads to see the Hijari. They’re chillin at home doin shit all, crying about how they’re not prostitutes. Also, why do they have to become prostitutes? Can’t they just start an online business or get part-time waitressing jobs?

No, comic book betch, they can’t start an online business because they need money ASAP and they can’t become waitresses because they have no prior experience.

Jk. I know they can’t get regular jobs because people hate them because they’re different. So… prostitution it is. One of the oldest professions in the world, mind you. Nothing to scoff at.

The thugs come back to the crying hoes and tell them they need to start hoeing. The crying hoes are all “we haven’t ever prostituted before it might take some time.”

The thug is like “okay, that’s fine.” Which is pretty out of character.

Then a woman walks in all disguised and the thug is like “I want this hoe out on the street too.” And the main woman in the Hijari is like “I don’t know this hoe.”

Turns out the hoe is Mindy and she rips off her traditional dress and start shooting the thugs.

Do you think the guy in the third panel is stuttering “nah-new” or saying “Ca-new?” Like canoe. “I canoe it!!!”

She kills the three guys who were harassing the women but The Hijari aren’t pleased because they had a plan all along which is why they were buying time. They were going to poison the head of the gang in a few days and now they’re going to get blamed for Mindy killing the dudes. They shame her and tell her to get the fuck out.

She is shamed and feels like a monster and leaves with her head down.

CUT TO: rich guys place

The rich beggarman guy is speaking with the cart boy and he says he’s a monster because he’s mutilated and missing a finger. Which is dumb because who cares this kids legs are twisted. Anyways he goes on this weird tyraid about how he’s rich now and he could fix his finger but he doesn’t because it reminds him of who he is and he feels for his mutilated “children.” He also apparently knows that Mindy is in town because cart boy told on her and he decides he’s going to mutilate Mindy and make her “one of them”

Wow you’re missing half a finger. Yeah that’s a reason to go around cutting limbs off of homeless boys in Mumbai. I’ve never heard of a reason that someone WOULD start cutting limbs off of people so this seems reason enough. Geeze, villains don’t even need a strong motive anymore.

BUM BUM BAHHH

So now he’s on her ass. Part 2 is already out , so I’ve gotta go and get to reading the next part!!

Baii!!!!

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