The Man With The Golden Arms Iron Man #4 Comic Book Recap.

I had to do it to ’em. Again.

If you haven’t read my Iron Man #3 comic book recap yet, like what are you doing with your life?

SMDH. So I suggest you read that recap ^^^ because I’m not doing a summation.

Written by Christopher Cantwell, and art by Cafu. We’ve got a good one tonight ladies. I’m just going to start calling you all ladies even though that’s inappropriate. But isn’t GUYS inappropriate too?! I’m changing the rules.

God I love this comic book. There is something so soothing about a man recognizing his own privilege and a bad bitch who is around to pretty much slam everything he once knew into the cold, hard, gritty ground. Hellcat is my hero.

So turns out that Hellcat survived that entire ordeal back at Kovacs place minus a huge lightning shaped burn on her face, (Harry-Potter lookin’ ass) but in retaliation Kovac decided to kidnap James Rhodes, so he’s now using Rhodey to lure Tony to him.

Hellcat and Tony have a conversation about this and it goes exactly like this:

Hellcat: Is this Kovac guy smarter than you?

Tony: He’s one of the Intellectual Masters of the Universe, so no.

Hellcat: Okay humble.

Tony: You seem upset. Is it because you have a huge ugly wound on your face?

Hellcat: Well I’m being hunted and this wound hurts like hell.

Tony: I’m sure we can call Reed Richards so it doesn’t scar?

Hellcat: Do you seriously think I’m worried about my looks right now when my life is in danger? You fucking, bitch.

Tony: I’m just saying, it doesn’t look bad!

Hellcat: -_-

Guess what? I’m still hot. Like that wolf-girl from Twilight: New Moon.

Anyways, then Hell Cat is like I’ve been hearing voices in my head, no she doesn’t say that. She should say it, but she doesn’t. Instead she says she feels fuzzy. Aw, cute.

Apparently, Kovac is a former cosmic entity turned android-with-lightning-powers.

So they’re arguing a bunch and it’s a lot of panels that look like this,

And Also I’m hearing voices in my head. Shut up! I didn’t say that! Nooo, you’re crazy!

Then of course arguing leads to banging! Sure, I’ll buy that.

I told you the wound didn’t look THAT bad. Would I sleep with a girl I thought was ugly? Maybe. But this time, no.

Meanwhile back at the villains den, they’re trying to mind-control Rhodey but he’s too freaking zen.

Kovac reveals his plan and that is to transfigure in the middle of New York City so that people can bare witness to his prophecy or some shit. But first he needs to tie up some loose ends including Hellcat and Iron Man.

Speaking of our heroes, now that they have gotten their sleeping together scene out of the way they’re having some nice pillow talk.

Tony is talking into the ether as men are want to do, and he notices that Hellcat isn’t paying attention. She reveals that she can hear Kovac in her head. Tony is like “are you sure?” Cause men never believe women. And she’s like “Yeah, mother fucker. It’s been happening since Oklahoma* (last issue) and since I was pathological before I know the difference. Ugh.”

So, now Kovac is ready to transform or whatever and his merry band of bandits are protecting his ass.

Psionic blast? That sounds fun!

All of his bandits are super scared that they’re going to kill their leader because they are essentially giving him the electric chair, and he kind of blasts out with this lightning energy and probably no one would survive that, but since he is a cosmic entity, you know, and it’s only issue #4, I assume he’s going to make it.

How can he speak with all that lightning coming out of this mouth?

Meanwhile, Tony and Patsy are on their way to Halcyon to get him to help them. Very undercover because they both are dressed like slobs. Anyways, Patsy gets a psionic nudge or something and she falls to the ground screaming. Drama.

Anything for attention.

So these two look into the sky and something crazy is happening, like this dude getting all powerful is happening, that’s what I meant. Yeah. Anyways, so luckily Hellcat can hear his head or whatever because she says they’re going to TAA II. And Tony is like “That’s Galactus’ ship.” And she’s like “yup, that’s what I said.”

Tony and Patsy find Halcyon and the convo goes like this.

Halcyon: I don’t race in the dark (I’m signing this BTW)

Tony: It’s me Iron Man, I need your help.

Halcyon: Nah.

Tony: Please? Just find these second-rate heroes that I can bring up into the main issues, because they’re probably going to get their own series on Disney+ or like enter the MCU and people need to know about them now and I’m the only star who can make this happen.

Halcyon: I’m a math major at Columbia.

Hellcat: *Suddenly engulfed in lightning and floating above everyone* Don’t try to stop me, Stark! (this is Kovac, btw, not Hellcat. wink)

Tony: Yeah, obviously. Is she really mansplaining to me now?

Halcyon: That’s a man talking through her body.

Tony: Oh, right.

So then Patsy destroys a car by them and Tony is like “Hey stop that!”

Meanwhile, Halcyon is coming up with a plan while Hellcat destroys shit and Tony yells from the ground to stop. He hits a fire hydrant with a chrome rim that might have bursted out from that car she just destroyed, anyways, that blast of water knocks her down and Tony is so impressed he asks Halcyon to join the team!! HOW INCLUSIVE!

Wow, a guy who never gets nervous as a super power? I honestly want that power. How helpful in just your normal day to day life? Damn.

TO BE CONTINUED BUM BUM BUHHH!!!

What did you think of this issue? More importantly what did you think of this recap? Are we impressed with Tony’s journey? Who do you think will be recruited for Tony’s second-string league of heroes!???

Published by Comic Book Betch

Comedian and comic book enthusiast.

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