X-Men #16 : I’m Confused.

It’s X-Men #16 recap time! I’m sure you are all still on the edge of your seat’s from last month’s X-Men #15 recap, this one is a lot less intense! If you consider taking a really long time to pick your kid up from the playground intense.

Written by Jonathan Hickman

Cover Art by Leinil Francis Yu

Penciller Phil Noto

In the last issue Jean and Cyclops had to convince the Quiet Council of letting them pick up their son from the Otherworld. In the end the council said no you can’t and they were like whatever, bye.

It seems that the story was continued in another comic’s storyline, but it wasn’t Cable’s so I have no idea what happened between then and now, but I will tell you that Jean and Cyclops are now with their son Cable and Cable isn’t being a baby backed bitch anymore who doesn’t know how to kill bitches like what happened in Cable #6 when he started crying.

Apparently the two islands that the two mutant groups live on, Arrako and where our heroes live, Krakoa, are divorced, but the islands are thinking about getting back together and becoming one land like they used to be, OKKKUUURRAAA

All Hail Bardi Cardi

So what needs to happen is these two islands need to fall in love again so that they can combine, but nobody really knows how to make that happen so they’re just trying to figure that shit out at this point.

Does this hood make me look stupid? NM don’t answer that.

Meanwhile, Cypher, a mutant who is merged with Krakoa and acts as his translator, decides to meet with the other island in the middle of the water, and they would just be big trees having a talk about how to split the kids up.

You look…nice. New trimmings?

It does not go well. Cypher returns to the Quiet Council letting them know that the trees are still not into each other therefore the islands ain’t gonna merge. He says it’s because the mutants on Arakko are weirdos and speak a different language and there are also twice as many mutants on that island than this one. They are more barbaric I think is where he is going with this but we shall see.

WHO SAID THAT!? DID THAT EMPTY CHAIR SAY THAT?! IS ANYONE ELSE HEARING VOICES?!

Later on Arakko, a woman representative of Arakko, who is wearing a cooler suit than even Iron Man has ever debuted and wearing the colors no less, has a discussion with Magneto and Charles. Their conversation goes like this:

Gold Chick: Your man-child friend, the one who is married to that bad bitch from my island, Bei, he said we’re going to remain two islands.

Charles: Yeah. That is Cypher. The man-child you speak of.

Gold Chick: I don’t care. What’s that in your hand?

Magneto: This is a flower for you. So that you can come and go to each island as you please.

Gold Chick: Flower? I can tell right now you two are bitch boys. Tell me what you got going on over there on Krakoa.

Magneto: We have a quiet council.

Gold Chick: It’s a child’s society. We have been around for thousands of years what the hell do you expect us to do with your play pretend circle of man-children?

Charles: We would like to work together and form some sort of working relationship.

Gold Chick: We are war bitches. We kill everyone. It’s a wonder I haven’t killed you now. And I didn’t mainly because when you got here I was killing something else. SO!

Charles: Can you still take our unity offer to your ruler?

Gold Chick: I will, but you’re still little bitches.

Magneto: Haha she called you-

Gold Chick: No! Both of you!

So, so she doesn’t want these flowers?

SO THAT WENT WELL.

Charles thinks that they need to prepare in case the Arakko come after them now so they need to fill some seats on the council. Magneto asks Jean and Cyclops to fill the empty council seats and they are like “Um, no.” And Magneto is all “wtf? Why not?” And they’re all “We want to lead the X-Men WAAH WAHHH WAHH”

Magneto: God you guys look stupid in those clothes. Do I look as dumb as you?

Charles asks them if he can talk them out of it and Jean and Cyclops say no. So Magneto says, so who is on your team? And they kind of look at each other like they each smelled a fart but are too polite to point it out for fear of embarrassing the culprit which Is obviously one of the two old geezers in the room. And then Magneto is like, “who is on your team idiots?” And they are like “Dunno. Since the X-Men is created to fight for the people we were thinking we would have the people choose.” Then Magneto is like, but people are famously dumb. You know who got elected to office in America in 2016? And Cyclops is like “we know, but we want to have a vote anyway.”

So there you have it folks. The first election on Krakoa. I can’t wait to see the campaigns these nerds come up with to make it on to the X-Men team.

This is my cool gang sign for the X-Men. You, like, you put your arms, like you cross them, but you poke your fists out and you go “UNGH” and it’s like an X, but it’s bad ass cause it’s your fists. Chyeah.

All jokes aside this seems like a fun and creative way for the writers to show some butt-kicking and heartfelt scenes exactly they way they want to show them. Total and complete creative control.

Published by Comic Book Betch

Comedian and comic book enthusiast.

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