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Crowded #1 Comic Book Recap

Hiiii. OMG, how are you?

I’m fantastic because I just found another comic book series to be obsessed with by Image. This book is called Crowded and it’s a comic book set in the near future like literally, this shit could become a thing next week.

Crowded is written by Christopher Sebela with art by Ro Stein and Ted Brant. This cover I got ya’ll looking at is by Rachael Stott doe.

Well, friends, this one was a good one. I’ll give you a brief background on what this little story is about. Basically, in the future, there is this app called REAPR where you can hire people to murder someone you hate by crowdfunding the kill. Sometimes no one offers to get the person killed and so no one is like “I’m not killing them for free.” And if you get a huge crowd-funding, for say an awful President, who a lot of people hate, you could get up to a million dollars if you murder this guy. Mostly if you’re not hated by millions of people then that probably won’t happen, if you’re like the worst most-hated person in a high school you might get $500 for your death.

So the story takes place with the main girl, Charlie, she has pink hair, she is meeting with a DFENDR or something that she found on the app who is going to protect her from all the people who want to murder her. Which is a shit-ton. The price on her head is at about 1.2 million dollars. Not a normal price for a basic bitch who isn’t famous and is just trying to make it day-by-day. Her DFENDR, Vita, has a rating of 1.4 stars on her DFENDR page. No one knows why she believes its because she’s not flashy. So both of these bitches are lying about something and WE gotta figure it out.

Charlie meets with Vita at this fast food place which is surprisingly empty minus a janitor, and Charlie rushes in there late scared for her life. Vita is like you’re late, and Charlie was like yeah I was ducking people trying to kill me. Then the janitor pulls an AK-47 out of his mop bucket and points it at Charlie, but Vita shoots him first.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.10.22 PM
The gun was wet! Would it have even worked?! HOW DO GUNS WORK!? I NEVER LEARNED!

 

Vita is like “btw your REAPR campaign is at 1.2 million dollars.”

Charlie is like “I’m on REAPR. FUCK.”

Vita is like “yeah and that’s too much money for the average person, what did you do to get on this site and why do you have so many backers?”

So Charlie takes her through her crazy ass day, which goes like this.

Charlie: So I wake up in the morning, get hot, drive for MUVER and DRIFT, Rent out my apartment on PADHOP, Trade out my car on WHEELSY, Rent out my dress on KLOSET, walked some pets on DOGSTROLL, Hung out with some children for CITYSITTER, and blah blah blah you get it? Her fucking life is all apps. She does some more app-related shit before she heads to a bar and goes home with some rando. The next morning she gets some piping hot coffee and an old lady pulls a gun on her, so she pours her hot coffee on the lady. And stole the lady’s dog. And then someone tried to shoot her from the sky. And that’s when she knew that multiple people were trying to kill her.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.13.07 PM
I really hope this old lady comes back and is the one to kill Charlie after her face is all scarred up. Then she goes on to be one of greatest villains of all time with this origin story.

 

Vita holds the doors of the restaurant closed with her belt, but the murderers begin to pile up outside anyway because Charlie used her card to order some food. Vita steals her fries before a car comes crashing onto the scene.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.16.40 PM
Not a bad ROI running your vehicle into a restaurant to murder someone worth a million dollars.

 

Vita intimidates the shit out of these random nobodies coming to collect a million dollar reward with her gun and shit talking. They get into Vita’s weird mustard yellow car that looks like its from the 60s and they take off to a safe place which turns out to be Vita’s haunted mansion.  But before they make it to the mansion dumb-ass Charlie is on her phone this time and people start tracking her location and Vita has to do some quick shit to take out some pedestrians. She does this for fun or to save Charlie. It is unclear.

Later, at the mansion, Charlie is like “this place is awful.” Vita is like “okay, bye.” Then Charlie is like “give me alcohol and I’ll stay” and Vita is all, “okay.”

So Vita is gettin this already hoe-ass girl, Charlie, completely toasted.

Charlie gets a drink in her and continues to explain to Vita how her day went and why this could all be happening to her. After a few people attempt to murder her so order a MUVER to where her car is parked and finds that it has been blown up.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.31.06 AM
Cause baby ur a firewooorkkkkkk!!! Come on show em what urrrr worth—!!

 

So then she goes home, and we don’t know what happened because she gets distracted during her storytelling because she’s drunk and starts looking around Vita’s weird old lady house.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.34.18 AM
This hoe is the essence of hoe. 

 

Vita explains that she lives in a big old lady house by herself because she hates people and the place has great parking. Vita decides that she is hungry and moves on to the kitchen with Charlie trailing behind. The TV is still on and the news story they are broadcasting now is that there was a massacre at Echo Park. Charlie sneakily turns the TV off while explaining that nothing happened to her at her apartment before following Vita into the kitchen.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-21 at 11.51.19 PM
SNAP CRACKLE POP! Goes the TV like a bowl of Rice Krispie Treats.

 

Charlie apparently made spaghetti and meatballs for the two of them during this time because the next panel she’s serving up a couple of plates for them. And now I really want some spaghetti.

Charlie: I spit in your pasta. Also, why are you a bodyguard, and why is your rating 1.4?

Vita: I can’t believe people want you dead. I wrote why I became a bodyguard on my profile. Didn’t you read it?

Charlie: No. Tell me the story.

Vita: I was a private contractor before. Not much else to say.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.47.18 AM
How long ago is this memory? She’s wearing the same clothes TODAY! WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE!

 

Vita is clearly a liar, but let’s get back to that other lying twat, Charlie.

Vita: Where are your friends?

Charlie: No one responded to me.

Vita: Do you have any exes?

Charlie: I sleep with all of my friends so technically they are all my exes.

Vita: I can tell that you think you don’t deserve what’s happening to you. That doesn’t mean that you don’t.

Charlie: You’re mean.

Vita then throws a file at Charlie. It is a list of people who donated to kill her.

All of a sudden Charlie is too drunk to function so Vita takes her to bed.

The dog wants out, so Vita takes the dog with her to bed.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-22 at 12.52.27 AM
I know I’m late, but why the fuck is she wearing ballet flats with that outfit?

 

Vita then creepily tells herself not to get attached to the dog or Charlie.

Charlie wakes up and sneaks back to the kitchen to make a phone call to her friend Francie whose name she recognized from the list, and decides to threaten to kill her. Which turns out fine because then this happens.

What kind of asses are those? Did the Kardashians show up to kill her, too? THE END! Or to be continued. This one is fun. I can’t wait to learn the twist. And since this is Image, it is bound to be a good one! What do you think is going to happen to Charlie and Vita? Will they fall in love? Will Charlie get murdered? And if so, by who!? Who put the hit out on her head? And why did so many people back it? I mean she does look annoying, but a million fucking diamonds- I mean, dollars. That’s crazy. Will the dog survive?! If they kill the dog in this fucking comic book I will literally put a REAPR out on every single person involved in the making of this comic.

Clankillers Issue #1 Comic Book Recap

Hey. I just met you. And this is crazy, but take this weapon, and let’s kill clansmen together, maybe?

Based on the name of this comic book, and the fact that I am such a hardcore liberal that I rode in a float at a parade for the young democrats before I could even vote, I had to purchase.

Clankillers is published by Aftershock comic books, written by Sean Lewis and art by Antonio Fuso.

As a warning, they say “fecking” a lot. And they’re Irish. I’m not sure if those two things are related. Someone let me know.

Hell is a Place Called Ireland.

I’m not making that assumption that is the title of this first issue.

So the comic book starts with this naked woman sitting cross-legged breathing ice or smoke everywhere talking shit about Goddess Balor and her dad. Daddy issues. Yawn.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-07 at 11.38.39 PM
What a nice looking rash.

IDK who tf this ghost voice is talking to, but she is talking about the King of Ireland, her father.

Basically, she said this Goddess of Balor told him to murder all the clans to make him a feared king, cause it would make his daughters get over the fact their mother is dead or gone or something.

Yeah, when my mom died and my dad went on a serial killing spree I felt SOO much better.

The girl continues on to say that murdering everyone made them into heathens. Cause why wouldn’t it? If you’re powerful and can’t be touched you start doing bad things just to see how far you can go without getting in trouble. Kinda like the Jinx, ya know?

 

Screenshot 2018-08-07 at 11.44.08 PM
Looks like an Eiffel Tower in the background over there.

So we finally meet the girl after she makes this speech, her name is Finola and her and her boyfriend, Cillian just murdered a bunch of people and stole a skull from them. Or they took the school themselves.

Then we meet her dad, Padraig the Grotesque ( he got his name from building a castle out of skulls and feeding the flesh to cows apparently)

So he’s chillin on his throne and he has all these townsfolk offer things to him in exchange for their lives.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-08 at 12.20.08 AM
IDK if you can read this shit, but after this bitch offers him women in baths he’s like has anyone seen my daughters? Gross.

His daughters show up, like “we’re here to please you m’lord.” also gross.

And Lord Farquad or whatever his name was is like “Where’s the third daughter! You’re nothing without the other one!” then he smashes something with his sword. Like wtf? Who acts like that. Fucking weirdo.

So his one daughter who plays the violin says she probably went to the orphanage to see Cillian.

Then we’re back to Finola who is with C. She explains that she met him cause he was always hiding from the priest who would butt rape him. Ah, how fucked up religion was for hundreds and hundreds of years.

Cillian tells Finola that if he ever loves women one day, he wants to make demented babies with her. Cause you know he’s only fucked dudes up to this point.

Then a banshee shows up. Like a really tall banshee.

And she’s like “you’re stupid children.”

THEN SMASH BANG BOOM NEXT SCENE.

Lard Farquad goes to the orphanage AKA the church-run orphanage AKA the children sex-traffic ring to meet the priest and ask him where Cillian is.

So he bursts in there and backhands a little boy across his mouth and asks where the Cardinal is. These three naked hoes on a couch tell him he’s at “bible study”

Bible study is being guarded by nuns for some reason? Like, get better muscle. Or give the nun guards something to wear that they can actually fight people off in.

He backhands this bitch next and opens the door to find the Cardinal naked with some children and asks him where his daughter is.

 

Screenshot 2018-08-08 at 12.31.52 AM
A little girl? Hmm thought Catholics were strictly into cock.

The King threatens to chop his dick off he doesn’t tell him where his kid went. But the Cardinal says they were there today, but they might be at the Bogs, so the King heads to the Bogs.

Finola and Cillian have ended up with not just one Banshee but a whole load of them, and they’re like “what do you children want?”

And Finola is like “we brought you a skull, but not just any skull the skull of a man who told my dad how to find you and send you to these Bogs.”

So the Banshees are like “That’s cool. We are wearing club dresses so its weird that we live in a swamp now, anyways.”

 

Screenshot 2018-08-08 at 12.37.37 AM
If you wear Fashion Nova in a forest and no one is there to ogle your butt, did you ever wear Fashion Nova in the first place???

Fin’s like, “ya I figured. So I want something”

The Banshees are like, “okay what?”

Fin asks for the Goddess of Balor’s head… I think she’s the girl with the nice rashes from the first page?

So King Farquad is in the next panel so we have to wait for their answer. He’s looking through some binoculars at his daughter like the creep he is. He’s like “Fin found the monster bitches I banished. I’m gonna kick her ass, or murder her probably because I’m insane.”

The Banshees are like ” we can’t call the Goddess unless-”

Then Finn is like “I know we have to kill all the kings of the clans including my father.”

And the Banshees are like “You cool with that?”

Fin is like “Uh yeah. He sucks and I want my mom back. When the divorce happened no one even let me choose. Could have avoided a whole thing, but nooooo gotta murder n shit now.”

FIN.

I mean END.

Um, I really like this so far. It is twisted, but in a way that I’ve seen before so they’re gonna have to give a lot more in the upcoming issues, but I’m down to see what they come up with. And by the time I post this, the second issue will already be out! So I don’t even have to wait to see!

What did you think of the Clan Killers? Dope or Nope? Lemme know. And if you want me to recap a comic book put it in the comments and I will do that.

K thx, bye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rat Queens Special Neon Static: comic book recap

This is a Rat Queens one-off. With a quote “cyberpunk” futuristic story.

Idk if you’ve read the original Rat Queens story, but it’s pretty good and if you have not yet, I advise you to check it out.

I stole my first volume from a friend and never gave it back. I probably still have it but I don’t feel like looking for it otherwise I’d let you borrow it.

I don’t know if this story is going to need you to know the background, so I’m not going to explain it. That’s why you have Google, bitches.

The sassy murderers for hire have landed in some futuristic city but not everything is futuristic. For example, the cars look old school. V Confusing.

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 1.15.48 AM
Blimps in the sky, normal.
Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 1.16.03 AM
Old ass jalopy. Not normal.

That’s Dee in that car I think. Dee is this warrior/mystic princess woman from the original book. Here she seems to be some sort of magical hacker.

She pulls up to a theater with the headline “My Grandmother Died…Help!” on the marquee.

She pulls up to the valet as a paperboy yells at her with a newspaper in his hand talking about Castywir. I don’t know who Castywir is, but we may find out later.

Dee heads into the theater where a man is asking for money to get his grandmother a proper burial. He’s up on a stage and there are not too many people in the audience, but there are other’s watching him cry on Facebook live and donating money to him. It’s weird.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 1.24.01 AM
1,253 GOLDYEN. I WONDER HOW MUCH THAT IS IN BITCOINS?

 

So then get this, she gets right on stage with this guy and he keeps talking like nothing is happening and she stabs him in the neck with this octopus looking thing and then she is transported into a matrix filled with letters and numbers. I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 1.39.01 AM
What is that stink cloud coming off of her?

So then she’s like “oh this guy is a scammer.” Yeah anyone who raises money to bury their grandma is a scammer if they’re white, ok?

So she’s uploading something, then some bing noise starts going off and her foot lights up and she’s like “sorry ladies, we’re about to get some company.” And then she just falls backward and we’re back in the city, but this time all the rat queens are there.

IDK WTF happened. But Dee is sitting there happily with Violet, Hannah, and Betty, and she says the same line “We’re gonna have company” or whatever. Hannah is like this is taking too long already. Violet has a 5 o’clock shadow and a cigar hanging out of her mouth and its not fucking cute, and Betty is like “our attackers are in the elevator. Get ready.”

A bunch of creepy dudes crawl out of the elevator and the Rat Queens just shoot em up, but then outside there is a “phase dragon.” Which does not look like a dragon at all.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 2.08.02 AM
That doesn’t look very scary. More like a 6-foot turkey

Some Jurassic Park humor for you brains out there.

So the dragon/turkey in the sky exhales some magic spell on them that doesn’t affect Hannah because you need to have a soul to be affected. So she turns around and shits a spell on his dusty-ass right back.

Then they jump out of the open window like badasses and scale down the side of the building to their friends who are waiting in a van.

They didn’t kill the dragon yet tho.

Luckily there’s a convenient sunroof where one of their friends has popped out of with a machine gun, and the machine gun friend decides to shoot the dragon a million times.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 2.25.56 AM
It also sorta looks like a fish. Is anyone else getting catfish realness vibes from this?

So yeah their friend shoots the dragon down and is all, “I’m really cool for that.”

Then the Rat Queens are like “whatever, bye.” And they head to the nearest taco truck for some delicious treats.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 2.32.30 AM.png
Gary is not a Mexican name so those tacos must be trash.

So yeah read that panel because I’m lazy. They’re basically like why are we working this. There must be something else going on! BUM BUM BUHH

Then Hannah is like “I have sex with Sawyer.”

And they’re like, “Yeah you’re a skank.”

Then they start discussing the scammer.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 2.45.27 AM
I am too lazy to explain all of this.

 

 

So then that guy walks past them and Violet is like “hey, that’s the guy lets hurt him.” So Hannah blasts the scammer guy who is conveniently walking near them.

Dee: Hello Mr. Dead Grandma. Why you do bad things?

Mr. Dead Grandma: Well-

Betty then knees the scammer man in the pelvis.

Then he said it was all Castiwyr’s fault. You know that guy from the newspaper in the beginning.

Told ya so.

Mr. Dead Grandma: he’s blackmailing me.

Dee: How did he get your information

MDG: I signed up for a dating site.

Betty: Awww. 😦

Later, the Rat Queens head to LOVEME corp to get to the bottom of this shit.

Oh I’m starting to understand things. Dee is at a party at the LOVEME building, but she is a digital version of herself. Which makes more sense as to how she was able to stab MDG in the neck in the beginning of the story without anyone in the audience saying shit.

So all of these digital versions of themselves are having a party. One fish girl is talking to some blonde guy. They’re hitting it off really well then Dee shoots him in the forehead. And she’s like Hey Fish Girl sorry but that’s a phishing AI. And she’s like oh that makes sense. He wanted to know all of my deepest darkest secrets.

The Fish GIrl asks Dee to make out, Dee declines and hops into the alternate world of the Phishing AI, but she is nervous because Castiwyr is a really good hacker and if she goes too far she’ll die. Probably.

Dee finds out where Castiwyr lives and sends the location to the Queens. They head to his trash house. Which is in a  literal looking dump. They find him dressed up like Transformers meets Prince IV.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 3.26.47 AM
HE IS THE DUMP!

So they fight him off while Dee snoops around to get his info.

They hit him with axes and swords and shoot him with guns.

They easily take down the TRANS-PRINCE BOT. Sounds politically incorrect, but I’ll keep it.

Betty is like now what? Was he inside of there? Should we beat whatever is left of him.

Then Dee is like actually come over here. And they go inside this, what I imagine is a hacker’s shed, and they find this ugly ass troll hiding inside.

Wow. This hits on so many levels.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-21 at 3.32.00 AM
Fucking internet trolls

 

 

So the Queens out this mother fucker as a troll. He is not the handsome, humanitarian hacker, he is a literal troll who blackmails people looking for love! What a ho!

THE END!

If ya’ll like this recap share it with your friends. And if you did not, keep your wrong opinions to yourself.

BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Ant-Man and The Wasp #1 2018 – Comic Book Recap –

In the spirit of the new Ant-Man and Wasp movie coming out, I have decided to recap the Ant-Man and Wasp series that has been out for a couple of months now. I believe issue #3 came out this past Wednesday, so if you like what I have to say here then you can head to your local Comic book store and pick up all three issues today. Which is best because the worst part of comic books is waiting forever for the next issue. It is so sad and disheartening. It’s like worse than waiting for the next episode of your favorite TV show to come out. Ya know…cause lyke…its longer?

ANYWAYS. THIS COMIC BOOK WAS WRITTEN BY MARK WAID AND DRAWN BY JAVIER GARRON. WITH AN ACCENT MARK.

We get a brief introduction to the original Ant-Man and the Wasp. Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne the dynamic duo and married avenger couple. Then they’re all “This is not their story.” And thank God because The new Hank Pym is 35 and the new Wasp is a teenager. So shit is creepy if they were a couple.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-06 at 4.09.39 PM
I very much enjoy how short the pants were of so many villains and heroes in the 1800s.

 

Their partnership reminds me of Hawkeye and Hawkeye, but with less kinship.

The real story begins with Scott Lang (Ant-Man) being on a weird ass planet cause he was on an adventure with the guardians of the galaxy and he needs to be saved by Nadia Van Dyne (Wasp). She doesn’t like him because Scott stole her dads Pym particle shit. But they’re sort of friends anyway.

He’s lyke, I have to go home cause it’s my daughters birthday and I got her this space flower.

So she’s lyke erm, fine.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-06 at 4.21.20 PM
Who is this bald guy? WTF

 

And she takes this blaster and says he has to take off microscopically and she’ll catch him with this weird ass raygun.

Of course, he misses the window so she has to come to the planet to get him. OTHERWISE THERE WOULDNT BE A STORY NOW WOULD THERE!

 

Screenshot 2018-07-06 at 4.23.50 PM
She got smaller lips than Kylie Jenner at 16.

 

So she lands on the creepy ass planet and they’re speaking this weird language. She finds Scott and she’s like um what are they saying. And he’s like omg you don’t have a translator? What an idiot. So he lets her borrow his and it turns out they’re chanting “souls, souls, souls.” Cause they think that Scott and Nadia stole their souls. Something about them wearing red. IDK they say a lot of weird shit in this comic book that you just have to accept and move on from.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-06 at 4.27.42 PM
OMG NO RED?! BUT WE, WE ARE WEARING RED! HOW TERRIBLY INCONVENIENT!!

 

So Nadia is all, “we’re not stealing their souls!” And Scott is all, “Ya but this guy is.”

And its this really creepy goopy looking guy. And Nadia says they shouldn’t interfere because it’s not their planet and it’s probably the natural order of things and Scott is all “they’re in pain!” And Nadia says okay because she is a teenager and a 35-year-old white man told her it was a good idea and she assumed he was right because he is older and a man. WHAT A WORLD WE LIVE IN.

TURNS OUT HE’S AN IDIOT.

So they go after the goopy glob man. POW BANG. Ya know. Wasp charges him and he beats her down, then Scott is lyke well if you can’t do anything then I can’t either. So Wasp is all use light to kill him, dummy. And Scott doesn’t have his cell on him but he does have Pym particles so he blows up the guy with light particles.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-06 at 4.40.18 PM
This glob man is a very lazy looking villain.

 

Unfortunately, all that explosions shit gets into Wasp’s eyes and she’s blind. And she’s the only who can “see” their way off this planet. SO HOHOHO the shit just got real.

 

Screenshot 2018-07-06 at 4.39.54 PM
FIERCE LEWK BETCH! YA BEST BELIEVE IM COSPLAYING THIS SHIT

 

Does that mean she’s blind or is she very very high?

READ ISSUE #2 TO FIND OUT!

OUT NOW!!!

Also #3.

BAI!!!!!!!!!!!

Deadpool Assassin #1 Recap

We all know Deadpool. Merc with a mouth. We all love him. And if you don’t you can get the fuck off this blog right now.

This issue is the #1 issue in a series of 6. I think. Which is great because I like these shorter stories that have proper endings n shit. SAGA WILL NEVER END THO THANK GOD!

So Deadpool is back to his roots basically of fighting for whoever has the biggest paycheck for him. His roots to me are his team up with Cable though. That was the first series I read where I fell completely in love with him. UGH it was sooo funny. True Masterpiece. All around great work. SPEAKING OF GREAT WORK. THIS PIECE OF SHIT WAS WRITTEN BY CULLEN BUNN AND THE MASTERFUL ART WAS CREATED BY MARK BAGLEY. BOOM.

###

Anyways out story begins with a group of soldiers or something on a plane about to make a drop or do something crazy in Bagalia and they’re reminiscing over the crazy times they had in Colombia. I wonder if they ran into Hit-Girl? Probs not because they would all be dead.

We don’t see Deadpool at first in the plane, but we do see his yellow caption bubbles.

 

Screenshot 2018-06-23 at 12.40.03 PM
Vapors means hysteria btw. I looked it up. 

Cause he crazy. Remember when he had three personalities? What was that about?

Everyone is chatting and two men decide to talk shit about Deadpool right in front of him saying they don’t like him. Deadpool kinda looks at that ginger kid and assumes they’re talking about him. Which, he does have red hair so its possible.

Now Deadpool’s vapors have made him decide to murder everyone on the plane. Which can’t be the plan can it? The boss wanted Deadpool on the plane and all but why charter a whole plane in the sky and arm these dudes to the T and then place one mercenary on the plane to kill them all? Like if you’re gonna go through the trouble of getting a plane that you know is going to be destroyed and you’re totally fine with that, then just put a bomb on there or something.

ANYWAYS.

Deadpool stabs everyone while they shoot at him, which I don’t think gunshots are healthy for planes.

IMG_0408

Deadpool waxes poetically about how the gunfire is unnecessary, like not only is it damaging the plane, they don’t just pass through his body. Some of them get lodged. And he doesn’t have enough fiber in his diet to get them through.

Then he goes on to shoot the pilots despite the fact that he does not know how to pilot a plane. It turns out all of this happened because of something that came about a few days ago. When he met Weasel in a supermarket.

Wade/Deadpool is concerned that someone is out to get Weasel because the Weese is being a bit jumpier than usual. Then Wade nonchalantly mentions that when he retires he plans on continuing to make scenes in public places.

Weasel is like “you’re never quitting, just like I’m not. It’s in our blood,”

So Weasel gives him the job. Apparently, some scary monster that used to be a part of the HAND broke out from the hand and now he’s built his own army of ninjas. But everyone hates him because he broke free from the HAND and you can’t do that without dying. Like the Crips and Bloods or whatever. Crime lyfe is crazy.

Then Weese shows him the picture of the guy who was on the plane, Samson “Scars” Green. He runs his own mercenary “outfit” with soldiers from various bs outlets like Hydra and SHIELD.

Weasel is like which one do you want to murder because we can make a lot of money taking either one of them down.

That brings us back to doe. I mean the plane. He’s standing over the dead bodies of the dumb ass mercenaries, as his plane crashes down into the territory of the HAND runaway monster guy.

SO THEN The HAND guy is like “shoot it down” to his minions, and they make the plane explode, but it was all a part of the plan. Deadpool strapped all the dead bodies into these flying devices and attacks all the shojen soldiers or whatever the fuck they call themselves.

Screenshot 2018-06-23 at 1.41.52 PM

Deadpool straps himself in too, but he’s still alive.

But he lyke broke his sword. 😦

 

Screenshot 2018-06-23 at 1.43.29 PM.png
Told ya

 

He beats up these bald buddah wannabes and gets kinda upset because there are no ninjas.

Luckily if you think it they will come. So all these ninjas show up and he beats them all up!

 

IMG_0412
Wishes do come true.

From this scene we’re in Wade Wilson’s apartment and lil Weezy is there. With a name tag on that says “Jack” that sounds about right. The timeline is after the grocery store and before the plane. V CONFUSING.

Weseal shows Deadpool his new set of weapons and they’re pretty nice but you can be the judge.

 

IMG_0409
lil deadpool grenades! SO CUTEE!!

Weasel warns Deadpool that doing two jobs at once is a little much, but whatever. Then Deadpool is like “erm I told you I want to retire and put down roots somewhere. I need the money to get out of this apartment and buy an island. I WANNA GROW UP! I don’t get the same thrills from killing anymore. I wanna have babies and get married. REAL THRILLS.”

Just then Weasel takes a mysterious phone call from a stranger who is demanding a dozen of something. The convo is mad awkward and is reminiscent of when a friend of yours answers the phone call of their significant other whom they have not told you about yet. IN FACT, ITS EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

BACK TO NINJA KILLING.

Deadpool kills all the ninjas despite the fact that they all have iron fists. Spoiler. He throws his baby deadpool grenades at them and they explode and their body parts fly everywhere!

Deadpool catches one iron and fist and says hrm.

 

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I WANT ONE TOO!

Deadpool comes face to face with the Monster man who has tentacles btw. Weird. Anyways their convo is like this.

Monster: You look like you’re about to keel over and die.

DP: Probs.

Monster: You think you’re gonna win?

DP: No. I just assumed you would see what I did to your whole crew of ninjas and baby Buddhas and just run away?

Monster: *Sticks tentacles into Deadpool’s stomach*

The monster brings Deadpool close to him and looks him in the eye as he has his tentacles piercing through him and Deadpool is all, “bad idea.”

Cause you know he has a glowing iron fist, So he punches the monster with it and lyke this happens.

 

 

 

 

 

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Into it.

Deadpool punches this guy and passes out after calling himself the Immoral Deadpoolfist, sworn defender of Pepe’s taco house, eater of multiple nacho baskets. etc, etc.

After he passes out from using that much power, we’re in a new scene where he’s riding in Weasel’s car. Wade/ DP scrounges around Weseal’s glove box and pulls out an ultra ugly gold wedding band. I don’t get it why do people get those? Anyways, Wade is like wtf you’re married am I the other woman?? And Weasel is like Clarice, my wife, doesn’t know about any of this. But I can’t give it up because being normal sucks. Then Wade is like you’ve got a good thing going, don’t fuck it up by staying in this merc business.

A few days later he’s on his couch texting weasel looking for jobs. But he never responds.

TO BE CONTINUED.

What did you guys think about this issue? I was unimpressed. The quips were okay, but all in all I think everything could have been better. It just seems a little surface level. Deadpool can be so much fun and this fell flat. I am unimpressed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas! -Comic book recap-

Hola mis amigos. Yo soy Comic Book Betch.

Okay, that’s as far as my Spanish goes. I stumbled upon this little bookaroo written by none other than Jon Favreau. And, correct me if I’m wrong, Happy his-damn-self. Also the director of the amazing Iron Man movies. Well, the first one was good anyway. I saw it three times in the theater because I am a mess of a person.

This is a Marvel Knights comic book, which means all of these events are taking place just outside of the Marvel Universe. And it’s easy to tell once we get into it.

The artist is Adi Granov and the art is very real. Like these characters look like real people and it really creeps me out. You’ll see.

So before we get started you should know that in this universe everyone thinks that Iron Man is Tony Stark’s bodyguard.

Let the re-story telling begin. Ahem. So ACTUALLY Elsa Bloodstone is here. She’s a bad betch as you may recall from my recap of her Zombie adventure. Now she’s blonde for some reason but ya know bitches can change their hair color from time to time. That’s fine. She is an archaeologist of sorts and she’s representing a rich guy to this man who has dug up a prize. It’s a giant golden lizard or something.

 

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“My father was a douchebag, like his father before him”

 

When they’re bopping around the caves she’s like “Hey why are the guards inside?” And the guy who is showing her around is like “Yeah, good catch. Your dad who is cooler than you really taught you well. These guards are inside because they’re trying to keep the evil that is in here from getting outside.” And she’s all “great, we’ll take it.”

 

IMG_0362
What the fuck is this? It’s like a melted sculpture. What is happening here? It’s a mess.

 

Next, we skip over to Tony Stark. He’s on one of his commercial planes drinking whiskey and the girl next to him is like, “You’re Tony Stark why don’t you fly one of your private planes.” And he’s like “Oooo, what’s your name, I’m a creep.”

Thankfully she doesn’t have to answer his grossness because a terrorist declares that there is a bomb on this plane. And Tony is like that’s my cue to exit. He goes into the bathroom a la Superman in a telephone booth and comes out as Iron Man and shuts this terrorist up by grabbing him and taking him for a ride outside. The thing is that he blasted out of the roof of the plane. Which is probably a bad idea, cause you know then everyone’s lives became endangered because they couldn’t breathe. So Iron Man throws the terrorist out into the sky and he plummets to his death.

 

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He kinda looks like that hot felon, Jeremy Meeks. RIGHT?!

 

While Iron Man returns to the plane to tell everyone that they’ll be fine and just keep breathing through the masks. Everyone is like “You suck. You made us breathe through these masks.”  So he darts out of the hole in the plane again and decides that he needs a vacation because no one cared that he just saved all these lives. I mean, that’s what you get when you fly commercial.

 

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Look at how well done Adi has created this expression on Iron Man’s face. He’s like “ya’lls is some dumb mothafuckin bitches.”

 

Tony decides to head to Las Vegas for the hotrod show which is probably a thing.

Tony goes to the pool and scams on some girls who are wayyy too young for him, bro and creeps on them. Saying THE creepiest line I’ve ever heard in my life.

 

IMG_0366
Why is he hitting on prostitutes? 

 

They, of course, head back to his hotel room with him because, as well know, hoes ain’t loyal. But they’re like we actually don’t want to fuck you, we want to fuck your bodyguard.

IMG_0369

Meanwhile, these construction workers, or something, are putting together the giant lizard in front of a new casino. MEAN MEANWHILE thousands of lizards are running around Vegas and its weird.

 

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I like the guy who is just nonchalantly leaning on his Hot Rod like this isn’t weird or bothersome at all for him.

 

Just before Tony is about to get it in with the two hoes he met at the pool, Pepper calls him and tells him she needs him, now. Not in that way. She just meant that there’s some fucking lizards flooding the streets and that Iron Man should probs do something about it.

The leaping lizards are all over the news and the news anchors are like, “this is insane all flights have been canceled and this is the worst time in Las Vegas for a Lizard infestation to happen because The Golden Dragon Casino is about to open and everyone and their moms have come to see its opening!”

 

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What in the squirrel is going on over there?!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED.

This is a four-part series so even though not much happened in this first issue, I’m def going to continue reading. I’m like one-quarter full involved in it already anyway. Plus Elsa Bloodstone is in it and she my gurl.

Hit-Girl #4 Recap

AAANNNNDDD SHE’S BACK!

Sorry about the hiatus, I discovered bravo on YouTube.

Wow, I really do not know my audiences.

ANYWAYS THIS WEEK WAS THE SHITSKY. Cause after I read the latest Hit-Girl, I found out this isn’t the last we shall see of little Mindy. No-ho. AND I read Saga #52 which I have been waiting it seemed like forever for. But I’m gonna try not to be an asshole to those people who have been a fan since #1 and legit have to wait every week.

OHHHHHKKK. Enough about me. Let’s recap this bitch shall we?

First off, props on the cover. It is a tribute to the late, great Miley Cyrus. SHE CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL. I’ve never fell so hard in love with a cover. Congratulations to Mark Millar, Ricardo Lopez Oritz, and them cover artists Amy Reeder, Mattea Scalera and Lee Loughridge. You really combined two of my favorite things: Miley mother fucking Cyrus and Mindy mother fucking McCready.

We begin our story with Mrs. Gallo praying in church. If you don’t remember issues 1, 2, or 3, then please remind yourself. Or just read what I’m about to say next. She hired Mindy to kill the bad, bad gang member who killed her son in cold blood. And somehow the gang member also has to help Mindy take down all the other gang members in Colombia first. Idk whose idea that was. I assume Mark Millar.

So the pope or priest or whatever (I am not religious, clearly) tells Mrs. Gallo “ya know if you keep pulling this bullshit you’re gonna go to hell.” And she’s like “Ya, that’s fine. I’ll be with my son.”

 

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Why is that gun the size of her lap?

 

Her son must have been a real shit.

To review from last issue, as that is where this story takes place. The bad guy gang member that Mindy forcibly turned into her partner, (ya know the guy who killed Mrs. Gallo’s son? KEEP UP!) turned on her, but Mindy had a plan B and she turned the gun onto Mano (The bad guy who killed the kid)’s little brother Jorge. Who is about to be initiated into the gang. Jorge also likes Batman. So there’s that, too.

So after the little falling out Mano and Mindy had they are back together and better than ever. They decide to start this morning off by sniping every single one of Mano’s friends.

Like literally all of them. The scenes of them killing all over the place are numerous and go on for pages.

 

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There’s more but this was the best one cause brains.

 

I imagine that the background music behind their murder spree is that  same one they used for “Rob and Big.” You know, “Let me tell you about my beeesssttt friend, He’s a warm hearted person who will love me till then end.”

It’s beautiful really. Here’s a link.

The members of Mano’s gang who are still alive try to take Jorge to a safe house or kill him. IDK. you never know with people who have questionable morals.

Hit-Girl and Mano are riding around in a garbage truck and she busts out onto a different scene by yelling something about wanting to take out the trash. It is very clever. All the awards, please.

 

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Good one.

 

So they crash the garbage truck and jump out, and what’s supposed to happen is that they are supposed to blow up the truck with bombs, but the detonator doesn’t work so they just shoot everyone instead. Very anti-climactic.

So then the garbage truck DOES explode. And Mindy is like “WHAT THE HELL!”

 

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Told ya’

 

Everybody dies.

Except for Mindy and Mano for some reason.

Mano is all, hey just kill me.

Mindy is all, um I said I wouldn’t.

Mrs. Gallo is all like, but I will

And Mano is all like, who are you.

And she’s all, you killed my son.

And then he shrugs and he’s like, “probably.”

He doesn’t even remember!

So spoiler she can’t kill him because she’s a good person. Luckily Mindy has a PLAN B. All women should.

ANYWAYS, the gang is mad at Mano for killing everyone with this little psycho girl and now they want to make a trade, Mano’s life for Jorge’s life. And as we know Mano has no qualms about murdering for sport and probably has an STD and a rotting tooth, but he definitely has a hard-on for that brother of his.

So Mindy throws Mano out of the car and to the drop off for the trade and they shoot him down while he says “but, but let me explain!!!”

The gang members are like, um no you killed like everyone.

So they shoot him and Jorge cries like a baby back bitch.

The gang member turns his gun on Jorge and says that he’s the brother of the traitor so they might as well kill him, too. Then all these little red lights show up on all of their clothes and then they explode into thin air! Like magical pixie fairies. OOOO!!!

Okay so then things get a little convoluted. Mindy pops out, she didn’t shoot Jorge, he’s the only survivor and she informs him that his brother wrote him one last “text message” Because that’s how things are done now in 2018.

That “text message” from “Mano” says that being a gang member is bad and not sexy at all and that Jorge is just a kid and should become Mrs. Gallo’s son that she never had. -Only a nine-year-old bitch could come up with this shit. But it works, and soon Mrs. Gallo and her adopted son Jorge are off galavanting around town working in diners and shit. But then she says something weird. That is a throwback to that sign in the pope’s office. And she says she’s taking Jorge somewhere nice and hot. Like Hell. So I guess she’s gonna murder him? Kinda weird to murder an innocent child when what you wanted to do was shoot his older brother who had murdered YOUR innocent child, but to each his own. Revenge gets twisted and I’m not gonna ask.

 

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Creep.

 

In the epilogue, Mindy decides on her next adventure after she breaks into a mobster’s mansion and murders him. She spins a globe around and points her finger at the next place. AND GUESS WHERE SHE IS HEADED? FUCKING CANADA. Okay, yeah. Looking for the biebs or something? I’m sure Justin Trudeau got some job for you over there. Maybe milking trees for maple syrup.

Are you serious?!

CANADA!

Well, how did YOU like this series? I gotta admit, I was wrong about the ending. And I really never could have predicted the one that Mark Millar wrote…So I guess good for him?

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OHHHH CANADAAAA

Hunt for Wolverine The Claws Of A Killer #1 comic book recap

Ladies and gentleman, I am pleased to present to you, something even cooler than I initially thought would be amazing. Truly, truly, truly, this #1 issue comic book is basically my dream scenario come to life.

Now, let’s get to boring you with the details in this here recap…

Some background before we get into this 4 issue run written by Mariko Tamaki.

Logan has been killed and the X-Men have come to terms with his death. But soon, there is an attempt made to steal his corpse. Unfortunately for the thieves, that corpse is on the move…

SPOOKY SCARY! WEREWOLF BAR MITZVAH!

So yeah, everyone is like “oh shit, the body is gone, what do we do? Let’s solve this mystery and if he’s not dead let’s put him back underground.” YAY!

The comic book begins in Maybelle, Arizona population: 343. A fabulous high-class bar and its classy patrons are getting angry at the “game” and how there are no “players” anymore just “bodies.” I have no idea what sport they’re watching, but I assume it is Rugby because I don’t know anything about that game and therefore assume the worst about it.

 

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YA! Useless dummy runners!

 

The bartendress happily changes the channel when the power goes out and the elegant patrons get grumpy. Some first-rate civilians offer to head to the “power station” to figure out the deal with the electricity.  They are bumbling around trying to fix shit, when they hear a THUNK and decide to find out where their buddy, Larry went.

They follow the noises to a control room where they find their old pal, Larry slumped in a chair bleeding from his mouth and a really hot guy standing oddly tall for someone who is 5’3, in a plaid shirt, jeans, and accessorizing with some adamantium claws for a little sparkle to the wardrobe. A really nice effect, IMHO.

 

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Girl, is this the Met Gala? Cause you got a Heavenly Body!!

 

I think we can guess what happens here…

Back to the bar…

Bartendress and hillbilly man are discussing who is funnier between the two of them. Obviously, bartendress wins. Then like, this green blast of light overtakes the entire town and Bartendress is like, “Ew, why?” And then the hillbilly patron guy’s eyes start bleeding, and then the bartendress is super like, “Ew, now seriously, why?”

SO that happened. NEXT, We find the heroes of our story. Who are actually villains? HOORAY!

You can probably guess who they are based on the cover. OH, BTW big shout outs to Greg Land for the cover art and Butch Guice for the awesome and crude-looking (in a good way) artwork.

So Sabretooth and Lady Deathstrike (BFF GOALS) have set a meeting with the lovely little Daken aka the son of Wolverine. Also -side note- Daken hates his dad… But, don’t we all?

 

img_0239.jpg
Um, he said “rotting” not “rottin'” Get someone get this guy a dictionary?

 

The trio decides to team up and find the missing Wolverine corpse that the Reavers were trying to steal but couldn’t, Daken is like “oh we’re friends now?” Lady D is like, “Actually, no, but we’re gonna be friends until we find and kill this guy.” Then Daken is like good because Sabretooth sucks, and Sabretooth is like, “Yeah, I’m actually the worst.”

 

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So, does Daken do that to his hair, or is it like, natural? Like Logan’s cowlicks?

 

So Lady D has a way to find and track Wolverine. They get on the road and get to tracking. This leads them to the same bar in Maybelle Arizona. Daken takes one sniff of the air and decides that his dad isn’t there. Sabre and D-Stroke decide they have to go #1 (or so they claim) and they might as well stop and look around anyway.

Daken is like well this is boring being trapped in the backseat of the car, reminds me of my childhood. OMG WAIT I DIDN’T HAVE ONE!! So he cries and is like I should HEAL THIS CHILDHOOD WOUND BY POUNDING ALCOHOL INTO MY FACE.

ence cat
Thank you, Science Cat.

Daken unwittingly heads into the classy bar and finds himself face to foot with the bartendress. But before he notices her, he notices these two goons.

 

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Daken’s face is priceless. He’s like “hmm, this is somewhat unexpected.”

 

It becomes increasingly obvious that something is going on. ESPESH CAUSE THEN THIS HAPPENS:

 

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Face to foot. LOL I’m Hilarious.

THAT’S RIGHT FRIENDS!

FUCKING ZOMBIES. OH MARIKO TAMAKI! YOU WIZARD OF THE YARN!

Wolverine + Zombies = Goals.

So Daken gets his foot bitten and then all the undead patrons come out of the blue and start attacking him. As he fights back he notices that he isn’t healing. Eventually, they all climb on top of him like in one of those Rugby tackle-things. (I ASSUME) and bury him underneath their dead, rotting bodies. YUM!

 

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Now is this a ruck or a maul? I always get so confused.

 

TO BE CONTINUED CITIZENS!!

Now side-note and personal storytime, I shared this comic book with a friend of mine and he said wtf, why are there zombies? And to that, I say, WHY WOULDN’T THERE BE!? MORE ZOMBIES PLEASE. EVERYWHERE THERE SHOULD BE ZOMBIES ALWAYS!!

What side of the fence are you on? Are you roaming free with the undead or are you building a utopia free from their oppression? Let me know in the comments! OH! And if you have a zombie escape plan I would love to hear about that too! If you think zombies are dumb or a played-out trope, you are wrong, but I would still like to hear your side!!

BYE FRIENDS!

 

 

 

Comic Book Recap: Hawkeye #1. Kate Bishop

Well hello there. It is I, the Comic Book Betch. Here to bring you another installment of the terrible recapping series of #1 issues of comic books that have come out so long ago you don’t even care anymore!

Kate Bishop is my favorite human in the whole wide world. Or Maybe it is Kelly Thompson (writer) I do not know. This series was also drawn by Leonardo Romero. Ooo lala.

Kate has left poor Clint Barton in Bedstuy, Brooklyn and moved back to her hometown in sunny LA.

She has started her own ALIAS business. And right now she’s on a mission in Venice, California. I should also mention that she’s wearing an I (Spider-Man) New York sweatshirt. And she’s funny.

 

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I want that hoodie. 

 

She is creeping on some hot surfer dudes hanging out with their shirts off. She’s tailing a man named, Brad, we do not know what for yet. As she continues her creepery, her photo lens falls on a trio of men in suits. Which looks completely out of place on the beach, they are being very obvious and she is concerned. She goes into spy mode and out of thirsty creep mode immediately.

Kate realizes they have guns, masks and are walking into a bank. Probs gonna rob it. So she shoots out their getaway car tires, calls 911 for backup and strolls into the bank… offering sass.

 

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Kate Bishop is the type of bad-ass b*tch we should all aspire to be. Also, the costume is on point, queen.

Kate marches in there and fires off some smoke arrows, hits a guy in the face, and then shoots another man up against a wall. It. Was. Awesome.

She marches out with her trademark saying…

 

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NEVER forget to tip.

Hawkeye goes home to her rundown apartment/ detective agency. We are introduced to her neighbor, Ramone. She owns the record store next door and will probably become Kate Bishop’s best friend for the series. Allegedly. Ramone makes fun of everything that Kate Bishop owns.

A client pops into the ALIAS business and is actually looking for Clint Barton, Hawkeye. Then she goes through a series of people looking for Clint Barton, Hawkeye and she grows increasingly tired of this BS throughout the day.

Finally, the last girl to walk into her office is Mikka, a girl who is being harassed online. Kate takes the case and starts the very next morning.

The computer lab lady refuses to let Kate into the computer lab and threatens to call security on her since she doesn’t have a student ID. So she steals one. RUDE.

Kate is having some issues so she is approached by one of the student workers who knows about tech shit. His name is Quinn and she screams at him because he calls her Sunshine. Eventually, they decide to work together because Kate knows nothing about Proxy shit and IP Servers. MMKAY. SO we have established a best friend, a partner, and a victim. We have a whole cast of characters meow! WEEE!!

And you never know, maybe there will be a surprise appearance by that Old Man Hawkeye or America Chavez!

 

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Kate Funny. Quinn Nerd.

Kate runs out of the computer lab, returning the jacket and ID that she stole from various people around the previous lab.

She arrives at the newspaper meeting that Mikka is scheduled to go to. Cause she’s like following her around, ya know?

She has reason to believe that the person who has been harrassing Mikka knows her, perhaps just follows her around. Kate spots a dude in the corner snapping pics almost immediately. He sees Kate staring at him and immediately bolts. BUT LYKE WHY? Only guilty people run away, I guess. If some rando girl saw ME stalking some other rando girl I would just shrug and be like oh this person caught me taking a picture of a stranger. I DO IT ALL THE TIME. IS IT A CRIME? DONT THINK SO. NOT REALLY READ UP ON THE LAW THOUGH.

Kate attacks him by falling down from a tree right on top of him. HOORAY!

She cracks the 0000 PIN on his phone and finds some harassing emails to Mikka and several photos taking from her on his phone. He goin to jail.

As Kate pats herself on her back for doing such a good job, Mikka turns down a dark alley and gets stolen. So yeah Kate did not do a good job. Or maybe it was a good job, but it wasn’t a thorough job at any rate.

 

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STOP TURNING DOWN DARK ALLEYS!

 

 

Kate is my favorite.

 

 

Comic Book Recap: Deadpool Kills Deadpool #1

No Hit- Girl this week.

But Since Deadpool’s premiere is just around the corner I’ve decided to recap issue #1 of Deadpool Kills Deadpool. HOORAY!

Todd episode!

JK.

We begin in Deadpool’s dirty kitchen. There are empty pizza boxes laying around and dishes piled in the sink. He probably stinks. A masked man is making fun of Headpool for not having an intestinal track. Rude.

The man in the mask sticks Headpool into the microwave and blasts his brains away.

 

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NO!! Zombie-Pool!!!

 

After the zombie Headpool explodes in the microwave, the man in the mask is revealed from the shadows and he looks a lot like Deadpool, but in an all-black costume. He really is always trying to one-up Spider-Man isn’t he?

Anyways it becomes incredibly obvious that this man in the mask is our “hero” Deadpool. Cause lyke right after this, he bodyslides by one.

 

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Serving head and face.

 

After Pool bodyslides we go back to the “Real Marvel Universe” and they lose me. Just stop confusing me, Marvel.

Deadpool is battling the Ultimatum and making quips about other superheroes. My favorite was “stop hacking my Bieber and Beers Tumblr account”  –  Wolverine.

Deadpool is having a hard time taking down Ultimatum and his droids, but luckily a spaceship comes in hot toward the battle.

AND IT IS THE BEA ARTHUR! The spaceship of the Deadpool Corps. AKA Alternate versions of Deadpool in different universes. NORMAL.

 

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Nerds.

 

There’s two extra dolts on the Deadpool “CRUE.” A golden age gas mask hero and a pulp version of hisself.

The reason the CRUE is there is simple, get Deadpool onto the ship. But they don’t give him a reason just that he’s “in danger”

So Wade is lyke, um no? I need to wait for the Avengers to clean up this mess I made.

Kidpool tells Deadpool to stop trying to hard because the Avengers and the X-Men will never like him. As they hurry onto the ship, Gasmask Deadpool says “pip-pip now cheerio, we must get on to thee ship now and drive it with duct tape. But we never get to understand why he says these things because then the black mask Deadpool murders the Gasmask Deadpool. Which is wonderful because I don’t like him.

 

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YAY!

So Deadpool is like wtf? And then a battle ensues.

Deadpool knock him on his ass and is ready to give him his death-blow when black mask man bodyslides outta thurr.

Only to have bodyslid right behind Deadpool and puts a chainsaw through him.

Yikes.

It looks like our hero is about to be murdered by our other hero. Luckily Dogpool nips in to save the day.

To only then be immediately obliterated.

 

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YIKES!

 

oh, maybe I should throw this in here.

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As Kidpool mourns the loss of his beloved pup, Deadpool wastes no time in outsmarting this black mask Deadpool.

BMD: We have nothing in common!

DP: Except the same voice. Bodyslide by half.

BMD *bodyslides in half*

 

Screenshot 2018-05-05 at 11.30.28 AM
Bang. Got ’em.

 

Deadpool picks up the blaster gun that the black mask Deadpool was using to obliterate the other Deadpools and blasts him away.

DONE! NO more stories!

Just kidding. As it turns out there are more Anti-Deadpools according to Lady Deadpool. He was only the beginning.

Lady Deadpool says they’re at war. A suicide war.

The Watcher saw this war in advance and warned the other Pools about it.

Deadpool is like, but why us?

Then the Watcher calls him the Progenitor.

Which I guess is like the parent of all things.

What in the world???

What do you guys think of this series? Should I keep going???

Let me know in the comments below!