Apologies

Just wanted to take a minute to apologize about assigning a gender to Niki in the Moth and the Whisper. It was revealed in the second issue that Niki is genderqueer and therefore identifies as they/them/theirs. I will go back and edit, but I wanted to make this statement first in case someone thinks I went back all sneaky-like to fix my errors. I shouldn’t have assumed and also I probably should have read the summary? I am dumb. Goodbye.

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To Stan

Stan Lee is dead and I never got the chance to meet him.

At one point in my life it was the most important goal I had.

I kept growing and changing and worrying less about meeting the greatest human to have ever lived.

Instead, I began an unhealthy obsession with meeting Kevin Smith, which I still have and now fear for.

Stan Lee brought us so many beloved characters from the Marvel universe, and those characters, you know, we really bonded with them. We saw ourselves in them or strived to be like them.

For me the character that he brought into my life was Spider-Man. And no that’s not a cop out, but Spider-Man was my first love that wasn’t Will Smith. So I guess what I’m saying is that Will Smith was my first love and Spider-Man was the second.

I make fun of Peter Parker now in my recaps but truth be told he was so important to me when I was a kid. Truly he made me want to be a good person. He made me want to do the right thing and not let my temper get the best of me. I can imagine he was a great role model for boys as well. Peter was never afraid to get upset. He would cry and then he would get himself together and say it’s time to deal with this and make it right if I can. That’s a beautiful thing and a beautiful person. Stan Lee also brought us another one of my favorites who was Iron Man. I read from the beginning just like I did with Spider-Man. Iron Man was, ya know, a little different than Peter Parker. Or completely different I guess. Not only was he a billionaire playboy but he was an asshole. At least Peter was nice in his everyday life. But Tony Stark’s kidnap and never ending threat of death by shrapnel to the heart really changed the guy. Like OMG who thinks of this shit??! Stan Lee is a genius and he changed my life. He taught me not to kill spiders, to give nice boys a chance, and also taught me that alcoholic billionaires aren’t that bad. I could have maybe gone without that third lesson, but here I am.

Anyways I don’t want to bore you anymore with my thoughts and feelings. I just figured that I would share a small piece of my life that was changed by Stan Lee. Must be awesome to effect so many people like he did.

Love you Stan Lee.

❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Some bull-shit

hi friends!

i am really loving the comic books I have recapped recently by Vertigo, Image, and Aftershock. I know I’m that Marvel betch but I really love these new darker comics I have discovered. You probably have been reading stuff like this for years, but for me, I have always been blinded by loyalty. And my loyalty is to Marvel for realz. Only because Marvel is indeed my first love. But i hope you guys are enjoying my journey into discovering new comic books that aren’t as mainstream as Marvel. I think as comic book readers since were all so fucking uppity anyway we should  be reading everything we can get our hands on. I just wanted to check in and say I haven’t forgotten about Marvel, and this might be a phase but I’m starting to think it is something more. I hope you like these insane abnormal recaps I have been doing all along and I love you all. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

IF MARVEL CHARACTERS WERE GAME OF THRONES CHARACTERS

Marvel heroes and villains as Game of Thrones Characters

I know that you all wet yourself a little bit. The greatest list of the best heroes and villains of the Marvel Universe re-imagined as some of the best heroes and villains of Westeros!

Ned Stark – Captain America AKA Steve Rogers

I should start by saying Ned Stark is the Captain America before Cap became all agent of Hydra-y. They’re both driven by the need to do what’s right and just. They both went through early traumas, Captain America losing both his parents and Ned losing both of his siblings. They both spent their youth fighting in a war and because of this, they exude a vibe of “old man who has seen it all.” They’re both giving off heavy dad vibes. Since, Ned is an actual Dad and Captain America is basically the dad of America.

Catelyn Stark – Scarlet Witch AKA Wanda Maximoff

Catelyn and Wanda both love being moms and will do anything for their families. They’re both attractive brunettes that a lot of people want dead, although neither of them seem to be able to be kept down for long.

Robb Stark – Spider-Man AKA Peter Parker

I don’t know if Robb Stark was ever a nerd, probably not, but he definitely has a lot in common with Peter Parker. Stark is very close to his mother and Parker is very close to his aunt. They both seem willing to do anything for the mother/mother figure in their life. They both have shown unwavering loyalty, force of will, bravery, strength, intelligence and are both unswayed by temptation. Their lives both changed when their respective father/father figure’s were tragically killed. They spend a lot of time alone planning out their next fight and are all around “good-guys.”

Jon Snow – Nova

Jon Snow and Nova started out as whiny little teenagers that made poor decisions to fight a battle that wasn’t theirs. Jon Snow started out as a cocky showboat on the wall, while Nova also started out pretty cocky and liked to banter during his early sparrings. Both of them did a 180 and grew up real quick. Jon Snow, realizing he knew nothing, became a brooding yet steadfast warrior. Nova, procures a scar, and all of a sudden he’s a dark and brooding hero, too.

Arya Stark – X-23

Two little girls who are not afraid to murder. They’re both really bad at making friends their same gender and oftentimes, their own age. They spent their childhoods learning to fight and are basically tiny, baby weapons of destruction because of it.

Sansa Stark – Mary Jane Watson

Two gingers who are inexplicably popular with men and basically get passed around like a fetish object to an entire cast.

Bran Stark – Daredevil

Both of these characters suffered a disability at a young age, and both were endowed with a different set of powers because of it. Daredevil lost his eyesight but developed a “radar sense” as well as superhuman taste, smell, hearing and touch senses. Bran lost his favorite past time, climbing up walls, because he eventually got thrown from a tower for being a “peeping Tom.” This caused him to lose his ability to walk, but he also gained an ability of being a “warg” which means he can control the minds of animals. Poster babies for silver linings.

Jamie Lannister – Iron Man AKA Tony Stark

These guys love fame and being wealthy. It really helps them out of trouble sometimes and sometimes it gets them into worse trouble. They both have a streak of arrogance. Of course that changed when Tony was captured by terrorists and when Jamie Lannister lost his hands, they both became a bit more complicated. Still handsome, though.

Cersei Lannister – Mystique

You push these ladies down, they’ll come back stronger and stronger. They’re both masters of seduction and can pull one over on most people, however they often get their comeuppance. I think Cersei maybe a bit more obsessive over her children, but Mystique loves her kids too. They’ve both had children who have turned their backs on their “evil” mothers and each had a child that was so evil it was kind of a relief to see them die. Too soon?

Joffrey Baratheon – Arcade

I wasn’t sure which psychopathic Marvel Villain to go with for Joffrey, then the answer hit me and it was just so obvious. Arcade! They’re both obviously crazy, from the moment you look at them you can tell something is off. Whereas someone like Maximus can pass with his charm, and Purple Man can basically control you to not think he’s nuts, Arcade has it all out and yet he appears harmless. They were both born to wealthy families and act like spoiled, selfish children. And let’s be real, Murderworld sounds like a wet dream for Joffrey.

Tommen Baratheon – Nightcrawler

Maybe Nightcrawler is a BAMF and Tommen not so much, but he’ll get there. Maybe. Both of them have a demon for a parent. Okay Tommen’s parents aren’t actually “demons” but they have demons. Nightcrawler and Tommen are also both extremely religious; at least for a stint.

Myrcella Baratheon – Gwen Stacy

Gwen and Myrcella have a lot in common outside of their untimely deaths. Like the fact that they were just innocent little girls who got killed because of another person’s battle. They’re both really close to their dads, even though one thought her dad was her uncle for a while…

Tyrion Lannister – Beast

The Beast is a brilliant scientist, Tyrion is a brilliant politician. Both struggle with their looks, as the Beast is covered in blue fur and Tyrion is a dwarf. However, the Beast hasn’t had much trouble getting girls, and Tyrion has enough money to pay for them. The biggest thing they have in common is the need to be remembered for the genius within and not the beast on the outside.

Khal Drogo – Warpath

I’m almost too proud of myself for this. They both have amazing names (nicknames and real.) They both like to stay within their tribes. They’re really great at fighting and very strong, but um… they’re both extremely vulnerable to magic…

Daenerys Targaryen – Storm

Stormborn anyone? One can control the weather, the other can control dragons. They’re both scary, beautiful and have white hair and everyone’s best interest at heart. Although, sometimes when they lead they can make mistakes (*cough* pissing off inhumans, *cough* pissing off slave owners), but we rest well knowing every decision these heroes make is because they have the greater good in mind.

Ramsay Bolton –  Maximus.

Ramsay IS Maximus. They’re both family outcasts with psychopathic charm and are conventionally attractive. They’ll cut off all your hair or your genitals and say it was all so they could be “accepted by their families.” Call the wambulance on these bros.  

Sandor Clegane – Hulk

He’s not only a raging beast, he’s also a pretty nice guy.

Gregor Celgane – Juggernaut

Nothing can stop the Juggernaut…or the Mountain.

Brienne of Tarth – Captain Marvel

Brienne of Tarth and Carole Danvers have a lot in common. Carole Danvers has struggled to be seen as an equal to her male peers since her childhood was spent always competing against her brothers. Brienne never wanted to be a noble-woman, preferring the life of a knight. They’re both feminist icons who will be remembered in their respective histories for their individual strides towards equality.

Theon Greyjoy – Hawkeye then Weasel

Theon Greyjoy’s personality did a 180 from the beginning of the game of thrones story to what we know of him know. So I think he may have started out as Clint Barton-esque, definitely talented with a bow and arrow and also a total ladies man. A ladies man who gets slapped a lot. Just like Clint! After Theon’s impromptu castration, he became more like Weasel. Someone who will sell out his friends, but may come through for you when you least expect it.

Lord Varys – Professor X

I wanted to pick a villain, but since Gretchen Weiners is in a different universe I went with Professor X. He knows everything about everyone just like Varys. Plus they both use children to do their bidding and they’re bald! TWINSIES!

Mance Rayder – Magneto

They’re both leaders of anarchy. I think they get a bad rap, the difference between right and wrong is a matter of opinion. Amiright?

Grey Worm – Cyclops

Nice guys finish first, buuuut they have really messed up love lives. Grey Worm is unable to consummate his love for Missandei. Cyclops loves Jean Grey, but he can’t seem to get her to stay alive long enough for them to stay together. Another thing these men have in common is that they’re both leaders to a group of their own peers. I don’t think that Grey Worm is the most powerful of the unsullied, and I know for sure Cyclops isn’t the most powerful X-Man, but there’s just something you can trust about these guys. I’d follow either one of them into battle.

Last and certainly the least;

The sand snakes – The reptilious B.A.D girls, obviously.

Okay my brain hurts. What other Marvel characters would make great GoT characters? Do you agree or disagree with this list? Sound off in the comments below!

Jean Grey #1

I was excited to pick up this X-Men spin-off of Jean Grey. This Jean Grey is not the Jean Grey we’re used to. She’s the N00b from back in time when Professor X first started leading a team of dorky teen-agers. The tricky thing is that she has time-traveled with those other dorks from her original X-Men team to present day. And she got a bad haircut. They do not explain the style choice in this issue, however.

She’s like a really moody teenager and doesn’t appreciate anything. I know this because she’s having brunch in Japan and being really mopey about it. Like, are you kidding me? You have a magical demon BAMF named Pickles that will teleport you anywhere in the world for brunch. She must have like, a billion Instagram followers.

But alas, Pickles is only good for one thing it seems and when, conveniently, a group of villains called the “wrecking crew” show up and Jean has to fight them on her own while Pickles eats “pucky” which I assume is knock-off Pocky.

Man, it must be really hard to be a villain in the Marvel Universe. Tough gig. I’ve never even seen a villain get away. For long anyway. I think that’s why superheroes fight each other sometimes. For the small thrill of fighting someone their own size.

If I had powers I would definitely use my powers for evil. But I might turn good if I lost enough times.

One more question I have, Jean Grey does not wear people clothes. She wears green and yellow spandex everyday. Is that because she expects super villains to just pop out of nowhere and she’ll have to bounce into action? Because I think she could have done what she just did in this book in jeans. Cause she uses her mind to fight, I can see how someone who has to use martial arts to fight would need a spandex suit, but I digress. It’s more fun to wear a uniform I’m sure.

She’s been fighting these fools for a while when all of a sudden she starts hearing voices. Which is not that weird of a thing for a psychic, but this time IT’S DIFFERENT.

WHO IS IT?!

Spoiler Alert, it’s the Phoenix force and she’s after this young Jean Grey.

But if you read the beginning of this book then you would know that young Jean Grey is not into that idea.

The good news is, The Phoenix inside Jean’s head was enough to distract her totally and the bad guy hit her in the head and got away with the money!

There is hope for my villain career.

Never give up hope children. You can do whatever you want forever!

Secret Empire #0

Secret Empire #0

Now, I’m usually in the business of reviewing number #1 comics only, but I decided this week to mix it up with 1’s besties… 0 and 2!
This time around we have Secret Empire #0! I’m not really sure why they named it #0 instead of #1. Perhaps because it’s an introduction to a re-written universe than the one we’re used to. Although, it read more like a #1 then a prologue so I guess the reasoning will remain a mystery to me…
The cover is amazing. Captain America looks so menacing with the symbol of Hydra emblazoned on his chest. Cap also suffered some wardrobe malfunctions it seems and he’s got a sexy one shoulder thing going on, as well as some thigh showing. If the comic book world is finally realizing they need to appeal to women, they are starting off on the right foot.
We learn right away that Captain America has been a lying piece of $**t our whole lives. Much like our fathers. But Captain America has an excuse unlike our daddies; his reality has been secretly rewritten by Kobik, which if you don’t know, is a sentient cube. Of course. Always a sentient cube with this guy.
Now that Captain America is working with Hydra, he’s basically the best Russian Spy that ever was. I mean, he made it all the way to Director of S.H.I.E.L.D soooo…yeah that’s like if our president was revealed as a Russian- Eh. Never mind.
We begin with a Chitauri invasion, and that’s bad because there are trillions of Chitauri. About four different superhero teams on Earth fighting are them under Captain America’s command and I know that Captain America is bad now, but I still have this feeling he’s going to pull through and remember that he’s a hero.
Alas he is not.
The shields may be up and the Chitauri may be stopped, but Hydra is using this is as their grand opportunity to take over once and for all.
I always kinda liked Hydra. I like when women lead things, and I also really like Bob. Bob’s the best.
Two sides to every story I say, but Sharon Carter isn’t on board with that idea. She sees the world in black and white, and for some reason Steve Rogers still loves her even as a turned spy. TURNCOAT!!
I love shouting that.
Our heroes are learning that the Chitauri invasion was the perfect excuse for Hydra agents to get in, though they don’t know who has gotten through the shield or why, yet. They also don’t know who let them in, save Sharon Carter.
America need not worry though because the Cap’s best frenemy, Tony Stark, is on the case! YOU CAN’T OUTSMART THIS GUY. WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN TRY?!
Zemo is on a boat on the Hudson River because…um… well I imagine just because it’s fun and he’s celebrating a big WIN. Fly the W amiright? He is with someone named Bob, but I don’t think this is the Bob I’m friends with. And by “I’m” I mean Deadpool. I don’t think this is the same agent Deadpool is friends with. Or at least I hope not. Otherwise I’ve been outsmarted and duped by TWO guys I trust. Anyways Bob AKA Blackout has created a darkforce dimension in NYC. I am in New York right now and I can tell you that this is indeed true. He has succeeded.
But the superheroes have assembled on Capitol Hill and we’re going to find out what goes down is Issue #1!!

Wow that felt weird. Still wondering why they called this #0. But that doesn’t keep me from being excited to see how this story unfolds!

Weapon X #1!!!

Ever since reading X-Men Prime, I could not wait to get my hands on Weapon X #1.

I mean, yeah Weapon X was a horrible crime against nature that turned some not-so-innocent people into weapons of destruction…BUT it also gave us a ton of fan-favorite characters, so clearly military experiments that have gone awry also have their silver linings. The problem I have with the weapon X experiment is the fact that these scientists won’t let these experiments, I mean people, live their lives.

As we dive into the book, in the first scene we are introduced to “Old Man Logan.” He’s just chilling in a forest like a hermit (as one does) when out of nowhere he is attacked by millennial robots! See, this is what I mean about not letting them live in peace.

It is no regular hit job. (when is it ever?) Logan’s first clue into the meaning behind this attack is the two-foot long blades for finger nails on one of the robots. Logan only knows one Lady with the exact same manicurist. It’s just too much of a coincidence. The people who built this robot must have Lady Deathstrike.

If you turn the page, you will realize that she is indeed being held captive, in a water tank tube thingy no less. If you read X-Men Prime then you already know how she got captured, too. And if you didn’t I guess you better pick it up!

Next to the water-tank-tube-thingy that holds the lovely Deathstrike is a chunk of Wolverine’s arm. Now, I didn’t cover this in the beginning of this post but the book does explain how the scientists got wolverine’s arm chunk. Logan basically handed it over to them to get away.

A really great thing about these tank tubes is that they are all labeled, and correctly so far. I say so far, because there are 5 total tanks and three of them are empty. But the empty ones are still labeled. Now, I’m no psychic, but I bet these tanks are displaying the names of our lovely leading cast of characters.

Side note, if you pick this comic book for no other reason at all let it be this: There is an amazing scene of Logan searching on a computer in a free public library that will make you happy that you did.

He’s there because the well-manicured, mutant, murder machines really freaked Logan out. So instead of “slashing” his way out of this one, Logan decides to use his brain and come up with a plan. I’ve never known Logan to be a great strategist so I’m intrigued to learn what his plan is…And once I turn the page and find out I am not disappointed. We all know Logan is a simple man but that doesn’t necessarily mean bad. Logan’s plan is all instinct. He is literally driving by the seat of his pants. Who needs a complicated plan full of twists and turns? Not me. All I need is an old man on a motorcycle driving down a dead dirt road with his nose in the air hunting for something.

I also need a forced team up between former and current rivals.

Can’t wait for Issue #2!

First blog post

My first post!

Hello all!

I’m transitioning from a tumblr to a wordpress account! I’m very excited about how professional I’m becoming. JK. Never.

Anyways, the tumblr account for comic book betch will mostly focus on comic book pictures and funny superhero memes so keep checking it out, but all of my recaps will now be posted here! And just because it’s visual content now doesn’t mean it will be the same as my Instagram!

Look out for even more content having to do with video games, movies, TV series, cartoons and more.

Since comic books aren’t just comic books anymore, neither am I.

Did that make sense?

No?

That’s fine.

Now I’m going to go do yoga and get pinot grigio ( not necessarily in that order) because I’m still basic af.