Star Girl 2

Ugh.

Here we go, again.

Spoiler: The show is still terrible. But we shall journey on.

We begin showing Pat the Robot again after the battle we had yesterday and Star Girl jumps on his back and rides him home. Not in a concupiscent way.

I just learned that word from Russel Brand.

Back at the scene of the crime the green leather dress man finds Star Girl’s burnt up student ID. She is dumb for bringing identification to a fight scene. Like wtf.

Back at Courtney and Pat’s garage they’re both pretty fucked up from the fight, and Pat decides to stick his finger in the open wound on Courtney’s head which is fine. Just add some hydrochlorine to that shit.

Pat tells Courtney about the Injustice League which was the group of bad guys who killed star man and hawk man and hawk girl, etc and Courtney is like, why would you move us to a town full of super villains, STRIPSEY! Finally Courtney is smart about something.

staff

We then get a new scene with a different family and some like 25 year old man walks into his parents room talk’em bout a noise he heard and thinks someone is inside. Why are you 25 living with your parents and also going into their bedroom when there’s a fucking noise? GO investigate it yourself.
ANYWAYS, the dad grabs a wand from a safe and ho-ho-ho look who broke in, it’s his old pal man in green dress and the first thing he says to him is WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING A GREEN DRESS. Like, thank you, SOMEONE agrees with me. I like this guy already.

Back with Courtney and Pat, it turns out one member of the justice league survived for a while, Hourman. But Hourman got killed when he tracked the injustice league to Nebraska and Stripsey was given the information to take them down.

The next day at breakfast, C and P show up with random head wounds so the mom is mildly concerned because she’s like “what happened” and they’re like “we both fell down the stairs.” and she’s like “I’m late for work. Bye.”

Later at school, Courtney takes the star-man uniform and sews it up in the sewing class and apparently she is a terrible sewer because she breaks every single machine as she goes.

Meanwhile, Pat joins a gym.

After school there is some sort of assembly for no apparent reason, but it is the perfect place for Brain Wave to match his burnt student ID with a random hoe. And he finds that random hoe and chases Courtney into a deserted hallway, like stay in a group Courtney, how fucking hard is that? Cause now this man who moonlights as an ugly drag queen just threatened to kill Courtney’s WT mom.

Next we have a scene where Courtney and Pat argue about being superheroes again and their face wounds magically disappear, then reappear in the next scene. OOOO. Spooky.

Well they have to save WT mom’s life now, so Pat Robot goes down to meet Brain Wave and gets his ass handed to him. Until Star Girl shows up in her new slutty costume and beats the shit out of Brain Wave. Brain Wave eventually gets the upper hand and pins star girl down so she can’t reach her staff. You know the staff with a mind of it’s own that can fly? So the staff literally just felt like resting. I guess? This show is not good.

Pat shines a light on Brain Wave and apparently that’s his weakness. I should have known because he was so damn pale!!

brain wave
How come your son is hot if you look like that?

The light gives Star Girl time to grab her staff and shoot him in the face.

He probably could have died but since they’re “heroes” they bring the guy to the hospital.

So they won! It’s over. Yay!

Nope, cue new bad guy rolling into town.

Some other old white guy walks into this random building and he goes to check on a beast that’s been kept locked up in a cage. For how long, I do not know. But if this Beast man is your friend like you’re pretending he is, you probably should let him out of his jail cell. Anyways I think this white dude is, Icicle, the one who killed Star Man and maybe is also the Senator? White people all look the same. I swear it’s just the actor who played Brain Wave with a brown wig on.

The End! Until next week. I wish Luke Wilson didn’t have such expensive taste but I must keep them egg rolls on his plate.

lukewilson

 

My Must Read List For Quarantine

Hey, maybe you could’ve used this list last month. And to that I say, I didn’t think of this until now. Anyways, here is a collection of my Must Reads and favorite Comic Books. I would say they’re in order, but lyke they’re not. Except #1 is my #1.

  1. Matt Fraction and Dan Aja’s – Hawkeye. (You knew this would be here)
  2. Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples
  3. Old Man Logan by Mark Millar and Steve Mcniven
  4. Spider-Man: Back In Black by J. Michael Straczynsk and and illustrated by Ron Garney, Bill Reinhold, Matt Milla and Cory Petit
  5. Cable and Deadpool: Separation Anxiety written by Fabian Nicieza and Reilly Brown. Artists Mark Brooks, Patrick Zircher, Lan Medina, Reilly Brown, Ron Lim, Staz Johnson, and Jon Malin
  6. The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
  7. Watchmen Obv. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
  8. The New Avengers by Brian Michael Bendis
  9. Rat Queens by Kurtis J. Wiebe and Roc Upchurch
  10. Kick- Ass: The Dave Lizewski Years by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.
  11. Marvel Zombies by Robert Kirkman and Sean Phillips
  12. Marvel 1602 by Neil Gaiman
  13. Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore and Brian Bolland
  14. Batman: The Long Halloween by Jeff Loeb and Tim Sale
  15. Y: The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra

I decided to stop at 15 but there are so many more. Also sorry not sorry this is mostly Marvel. I was born and raised on my Marvel hoes.

Batwoman #1

I finally strayed from Marvel! Someone get me some sort of award straight away.

While I was perusing my local comic book shop, Forbidden Planet NYC FYI, I saw this bad betch in all of her fake red hair glory and I knew she had to be mine!

The cover art looks like a movie poster. Batwoman is falling gracefully from some high up space with blazing hot red hair, red cape and red boots. Below her are the torsos of 4 ambiguous people who are all giving me “the eye.” Batman is also there. They’re like best friends so that makes sense.

This series is lovingly titled “The Many Arms of Death.” I suppose I will find out why. Not sure if Doc Ock is in this. I highly doubt it, therefore I’m completely out of ideas.

Batwoman reveals that she has been doing Batman’s dirty work for him, tracking down the last seller of monster venom on the international black market.

She’s all super spied out with a mic in her ear that connects her to Pennyworth Jr., a younger, hotter female and tech savvy Alfred. Batwoman has found her target, and she’s sure of it now because after sticking a needle in his arm he turned into a monster. Now she’s gotta kick him in the dick to get information out of him.

Pennyworth senses the danger Batwoman is in and deploys Batwoman’s handy dandy motor bike, which helps Batwoman dodge this monster’s fists. She leads him down some streets in a Jurassic-Park style chase scene, but she eventually defeats him and he reverts back to a regular dude.

Now she can finally get some information out of him, except that he gets stabbed in the eye by one of the floating torsos from the cover. The floating torso has a full body and she’s really bad ass looking. She wears her makeup in a super avant-garde way. Tres chic. Anyways they were apparently underground in some cave, I have no idea when this happened. The eye stabbing lady leaps up and out of the cave through a crack in the wall, as you do. Batwoman decides not to follow her out for some reason. Probably because the cape would have gotten caught in the crack?

No worries though because the eye stabber girl left behind one of her daggers so Batwoman’s got a lead. The dagger was made in a tiny beach town called “coryana”where Batwoman almost drowned back in the day but was saved. She was nursed back to health by a strange and likable enough guy named Rafael. When they make it to Coryana he is the first person to greet Batwoman, but unfortunately he’s been stabbed in the back and is just stumbling around the pier. So the dagger girl must be close by. When weird shit starts happening that’s when you know you’re getting close to the truth.

That was an awesome comic. Good job DC. I know DC and Marvel are like the Mary-Kate and Ashley of the comic book world, very similar, but we all favor one over the other. In this case I felt like that although I’m a Mary-Kate stan, I can find room in my heart for an Ashley. ❤