The Fearless Defenders

WOWOWOWOWOW

Awesome team-up alert.

Valkyrie, the last Asgardian Defender and Misty Knight, formally with the Daughters of the Dragons and bff to the Heroes for Hire, are on the cover together so I guess now they’re bff.

I want to be Misty Knight for a cosplay after seeing this fantastic update to her costume. She looks like she was plucked out of a VIP booth in Studio 54.

However, I’m not black so I can’t otherwise I’d be hypocrite for being mad at white real housewives whenever they dress up as Diana Ross. And I do mean everytime they do it because it happens a lot.

We’re getting off topic. Okay, yes, I am. You’re fine.

There’s a prologue of Valkyrie saying verily and then the skies rain blood down upon her, blah but the real story begins with a huge BOOM coming from a boat racing through a storm on the Atlantic Ocean. The seamen ha need to secure all the crates because they’re slipping all over the place on account of the rain.

Somehow Misty Knight is on this boat. It is not explained how or when she got on, but she is not wanted because some guy comes up behind her with a gun.

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She’s gotta have lost those big ass hoop earrings on at least 20 missions.

Knight remains unphased, however, as she simply spins around and kicks him in the shin and tosses him overboard into the violent ocean waves below.

Then she decides that one possible manslaughter charge is not nearly enough trouble to be into, so she jumps out from her hiding spot to take on all the dudes on this boat. And she says these badass things that I’m too lazy to type:

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Can you imagine?! Chills.

She then proceeds to beat up everyone.

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Stirrup leggings! Genius. BUT WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES? 

After she attacks everyone out of NOWHERE she steals the thing that they were stealing. It’s a small statue that looks like a load of crap to her because it’s small and it’s ugly and it looks extremely old and rundown.  She continues to look around since there’s gotta be something better here and there’s also mummified bodies wearing warrior armor, which is mad creepy.

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Verily.

A helicopter is randomly coptering from above and she’s like “ew, get this light off of me, rude.”

These helicopter people start shooting at her from above. But she has a bionic arm with repulsor tech so she can’t be shot. Then they bring out a rocket launcher and she’s like, “gotta go.” So she takes her chances into the wild, choppy ocean as the boat explodes behind her.

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Gun violence is never the answer.

Somehow before the boat had exploded, they were able to grab the crates. IDK. So Misty is swimming off while the helicopter people speak about a future massacre they’re planning with these mummified bodies.

Knight returns to her employer and goes off on the girl who employed her, yelling about how mercenaries with rocket launchers came to sabotage her simple smuggling mission. But her employer, Dr. Annabelle Riggs, some sort of archaeologist? Anyways she works for a museum and that’s why she wants relics like this.

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“Secret” history. Oh my.

Misty: Is it worth anything?

Annabelle: You didn’t think the rocket launchers were a tip off it’s worth something?

Dr. Riggs starts trailing off thinking aloud about what it might be and she comes to the conclusion that it is Asgardian. And I totally believe her because Valkyrie is on this cover, too. So she’s messing around with the statue and finds a seam and the statue clicks open and starts singing an awful song.

Annabelle: Oh a music box.

Misty: This music sucks. Turn it off.

Annabelle: Nope, got to record it on my iPhone.

Misty: Hey what are you surveying here at this dig site?

Annabelle: A viking grave.

Misty: What a massive coincidence…

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Reminds me of, lyke, when Harry Potter had to open up that egg underwater to hear more than just screeches.

So long story short, these vikings come alive and start attacking the archaeologists, so it’s up to Misty Knight to save the day with her Satan Claw.

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Oh sorry, it’s the second version I guess.

During the middle of Knight kicking butt, a giant flying horse lands behind her, and atop of said horse is Valkyrie.

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YES! Good guess, omg.

They inadvertently team up and fight off these viking dudes with a lot of THOKS, THOOMS and SHHRAAKS.

Dr. Riggs walks out with the singing statue and Valkyrie is like hey turn that off the reason they’re alive is cause the song, and Dr. Riggs is like OMG you’re a Valkyrie that’s so amazing, let’s make out. And they do.

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Gotta make sure there’s a lesbian scene so fanboys can jerk off.

Valkyrie grabs the statue and destroys it, turning all of the zombie vikings into dust.

Val: Great that’s over, gotta go.

Annabelle: You destroyed my dig site and years of research I’m coming with you to get some answers.

Val: No.

Annabelle: Yes.

Val: Okay.

Misty: I’ll come, too. Nothing like a third wheel on an adventure to an eternal realm.

So it’s settled. Val then tells them that the statue sang the song of the “Blighted Host of slaughter, carrion, filth, vermin, deceit, insanity, torture, seduction and rage.” Huge job for one guy. They could have probably passed down some of the responsibilities to another host, but CEOs amiright?

Then she goes on to say that the music box said the “Doommaidens” were rising and that it’s all Val’s fault. YIKES. Um she’s the only one who understood what they were saying and she just outed herself like right away. I would have kept my mouth shut. They’d be like what else did they say? And I’d be like “ummm…nothing. Nothing at all. WHY? Who said they said something?”

But I’m not a Valkyrie and thank Yeezus for that because we would all be dead rn.

I assume that if I were to ascend to any seat of power, we’d all be in mortal peril.

Did you like this? If you did not, why? Because you’re dumb? Let me know so we can grow and change together.

Have you read this series? It’s from 2013 so you may not remember, but if you happened to have missed it- I highly recommend picking it up. Misty Knight is my new favorite. Thank you to the commenter who said I missed her in my post about Marvel women who need their own movies. You were hella right about this bad betch. In the words of Fabolous, “you make me better.”

 

America #1

I am taking my first foray into an America comic book. I have high hopes for this issue because it’s written by an all star latinx cast.

I don’t really have much previous experience with this hero America, so we’re just going to dive right into it.

It begins by asking a cast of character to tell them what “America” means to them. Her best friend, Hawkeye AKA Kate Bishop is first to answer, followed by some well-known heroes like Storm, the Oprah of the Marvel Universe, Miles Morales and then Felicia Hardy is in it saying she’s never met her. Um, rude. But everyone else was like she’s a badass.

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There’s something weird about these dream bars in this comic book. They’re very prevalent. I will get to the bottom of this.

Even Loki (young kid version) called her a “bad mama jama” so I’m intrigued.

The prologue let’s the reader know that America is bored of saving the world by punching star shaped holes through multiple dimensions and has decided to enroll in college.

As we turn the page we are taken to Maltixa, a planet on the outskirts of the Utopian Parallel that is under attack and is being saved by the Ultimates.

Spectrum and Captain Marvel are there, America is also there saving a kid. She brings the kid back to her mom and America remembers how much she misses her two dead moms.

The Alien that is attacking the planet hits Spectrum with a pure white energy and sends Spectrum flying onto Captain Marvel’s flying ship. America decides that if it’s pure white energy, if she hits it with her brown fist she will win. And she does and the alien bursts into beautiful stars and America is confused as to why that happens.

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Sounds sexual.

Then the whole planet starts healing itself, which is also weird. Then the kid is like, “who are you? you saved me! I love you!” and America is like, “follow me on Beamchat” which I guess is Marvel Universe speak for Twitter?

The team retreats to their ship and reconvenes with Black Panther and Blue Marvel, the other members of the team who stay on “Home Base.” Where this base is, I do not know.

America goes back to NYC and stops by her girlfriends house because she skipped out on meeting her for a date because she was fighting aliens on another planet.

She bangs her girlfriend and then her girlfriend breaks up with her, so it must not have been great.

When a girl gets broken up with she goes to see her friends. So she ends up midway between LA and NYC with Kate Bishop. America’s van needs a jump or something so they’re stopped on the side of the road talking. I am confused. Did they meet up halfway in the middle of the desert? Because Kate lives on the west coast. Or did they drive together? I know Kate likes to be in NYC a lot. But then they drive off into different directions and I am confused. So they each drove like ten hours to hang out with each other for five minutes in the middle of a desert? I NEED information.

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WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

She ends up at Sotomayor University which I believe only exists in the America Chavez comic books. Mainly because it seems to be a university for mutants. They get all the schools.

A bunch of sorority girls try to recruit her to their latin sorority group. Phi Theta Betas. And they jump out of nowhere looking like they dressed themselves in clothes only sold in 1997. She turns them down because sororities are for skanks and she heads in late to her first class.

Then for some reason her classroom is covered in ice and there’s a hologram of a crazy old lady shooting arrows.

America sees Prodigy in her class cause he’s a nerd and he answers the professor’s question and melts the ice. Then the professor gives them all a crazy, hard assignment and tells America her own life story. And apparently from this scene were supposed to understand that it’s gonna be hard to win over this professor. America is like Elle Woods and this is her Professor Stromwell.

America and Prodigy go back to Prodigy’s dorm room where he has been working on a time machine. Normal.

The machine is just a prototype but he believes that if they use it in conjunction with America’s multi dimensional punches, America will be able to time travel across the multiverse.

So she just hits the button to time travel and then Prodigy is like “um, it’s not ready but whatever. Girl, bye.”

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“Next time I’m making the X button be the disintegrate button.”

So she ends up in WWII Germany fighting besides Captain America.

Then she punches Hitler.

The end.

I’m totally serious. That was the end.

I’m really happy that it ended that way because I gotta say there was a lot of exposition and not a lot of action. Any comic that ends with a person punching Hitler in the face is quite something. I didn’t want to read #2 basically the whole time I was reading this comic book but now I feel I must.

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Did she knock him into another dimension, doe?

Avengers + X-Men = Kitty Pryde x Spider-Woman (Lockheed) Solve for Y.

I said I would start 2018 with some bad betches.

Perhaps you could tell by my icon or maybe you could not, but I love Jessica Drew. She is my favorite Spider-Woman.

Sometimes Kitty Pryde bothers me because of her perpetual ponytail, but other than that I’m pretty down with the girl. She rose through those X-Man ranks really quickly…even though she didn’t want to…and for some reason she has a dragon? I didn’t read the story where that happened, I just picked up an X-Men comic one day and BOOM pet dragon. I’ve accepted it and you should, too.

So based on the prologue one thing you should know is that Lockheed the dragon is in love with Spider-Woman. I must have also missed that story where they fell in love, but she does bring it up later and apparently they met in space. (Bare with me.) (Bear?)

So the story begins and it turns out that Lockheed has a cell phone because he and Spider-Woman were texting and decided that the three of them should head into the city and save some shit.

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I wonder who his provider is?

In this case, shit is a precious metal from space that S.W.O.R.D and the Russian Mafia are after.

I must bring to light that Kitty is acting like a real twat right now because she’s mad that Spider-Woman woke her up on a “school night.” Bitch, you a superhero.

Anyways Spider-Woman “woke her up” because Lockheed can sniff out space metals. What, like it’s hard?

Lockheed catches the scent and they’re off, but not without Kitty snarling off about hoping Spider-Woman and Lockheed both get fired from S.W.O.R.D. Methinks thou doth protest too much, but your story is being written by a man, therefore there will be a lot of limits to your personality. Not your fault, girl.

So they discover that Absorbing Man has the magic metal and the ladies mull their mutual disgust over him choosing to not wear a shirt. Listen men, if you won’t respect yourselves don’t expect us to respect you.

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WOOOWWW you deserve whatever harassment you get with that much showing off.

Lockheed attacks some men in hazmat yellow suits from above, and clearly these suits are inflammable. Which means flammable. Confusing, right?

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“Inflammable”

Kitty can’t stop talking about her students even during battle, and while she mulls over ideas for her “other” occupation we get an obligatory butt shot right before she grabs the space rock.

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That’s quite a spinal column, Jessica.

Kitty: Hey, Jessica, is this rock radioactive?

Jessica: Are you holding it?

Kitty: …YES!

Jessica: Then NOPE.

We move forward, although I don’t necessarily believe Spider-Woman’s information about the radioactivity within this rock.

The Absorbing Man, tries to grab the rock from Kitty, but he can’t because she’s made it “intangible,” which does, in fact, mean “not tangible.” Confusing. She then puts it inside a solid pillar that is helping to hold up the New York subway station they are fighting inside of, so they can “talk.”

But he doesn’t want to talk, which is not at all surprising because he’s not one of those smart villians that thinks things through, he’s one of those ‘fight first, ask questions later’ type of guy. Which makes his next move, to throw a wrecking ball that he keeps chained to his body into the pillar to grab the radioactive space rock metal thing in-surprising.

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Woops.

Kitty lets him absorb the rock and I think she does this because she wanted to deliver this line.

Kitty: You know , if you REALLY want to improve yourself, how about absorbing a book.

HA. Got ’em.

On the other side of the subway, Spider-Woman is climbing on the walls while men in hazmat suits run from her. What she has done to make them run from her is unknown. Then she’s like, “um, did you let him absorb the rock like exactly what I told you not to do?”

And Kitty’s like “yes, but only because I have some fancy new power gains that I need to show off.”

So, she goes off into this long monologue about how fear had kept her from really using her powers until she take off her gloves and puts her hand on Absorbing Man’s head and reaches into his brain to stop the blood flow. Which makes the metal stop working in his body.

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Now you better really hope that shit ain’t radioactive.

He passes out and Kitty starts giving commands to Hydra agents (who were there the whole time and I didn’t mention them because they just stood around until this scene…) and also the hazmat guys to clean up all the rubble and to move Absorbing Man’s body to another location.

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What have you been doing this WHOLE TIME, Hydra?

Spider-Woman has her glowing rock no thanks to herself but all thanks to Kitty. So she thanks Kitty for “helping.” When really she did all of the work.

Kitty’s like “whatever bitch, I’m going home.”

And Spider-Woman is like “I emit a pheromone that makes women uncomfortable.”

And Kitty is like “Nah that ain’t why I don’t like you, but still consider us to be friends.”

Then the real trouble arises when Kitty asks Lockheed who he is going home with.

Unfortunately that is a mystery that the writer has allowed you to figure out for yourself. That writing technique is either very lazy or very smart.

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Did the top ever stop spinning? 

Have your read this issue yet? Did you continue reading the part where Hawkeye and Deadpool go on a small adventure? I didn’t. But I will after I post this and maybe I’ll throw in an extra review this week and put that little storyline in, too.

Avengers + X-Men is the perfect go-to for any Marvel fan that doesn’t have the time to get invested in a crazy ass storyline. You can literally pick up any issue and a small adventure with your favorite characters will charm your pants off. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

Rating: 4 billion stars out of a possible 3 billion.

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In-impressed with your bullshit.

Generations: The Archers #1

Wooo. A Hawkeye comic book! With both the Hawkeyes! Yay! I love these two. And I like how they share a lot of spin-offs together. I don’t know what this Generations stuff is but I’m here and I’m into it.

I feel like Kate Bishop and I have a lot in common, in that we talk like morons. But it’s fun.

This book is written by a chick and she gets me. I was rotflmao.

So apparently the Hawkeyes were taken from different parts of the past/future/present/timey thing and placed on a remote island along with the most famous marksmen in the world which are mostly villains.

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BFFLs

Clint, was taken from the past (I guess they wanted prime Clint) so he doesn’t know who Kate is, but she stumbles upon him and realizes this is the past Clint immediately because of his hot pink uniform of yore.

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The retired suit of Hawkeye sponsored by Hello Kitty.

So Kate wonders perhaps she is stuck in the past? Which bites. Luckily she has stumbled on Clint, she decides to not tell him the truth about the future and how they’re friends because she’s afraid of the “butterfly effect” or whatever.

So she tells him she knows him because of The Black Widow and she claims that she is a spy and her code name is “Hawkess” which she hates and instantly regrets, but you know what? I kinda dig it. She finally convinces Hawkeye that she’s a hero by putting down her weapon, but at that exact instant he FWIPs right at her and she knows she’s about to die.

Except she doesn’t die because he actually hit some other marksman. Classic Hawkeye doing classic Hawkeye things.

So the reason they’re on this island is it’s kind of a game where they’re all supposed to hit the mark on their opponents belts so the loser can be teleported off the island. Every single guy is wearing one, oh and it will explode if you take it off, but somehow Kate doesn’t have one and it is never explained why.

The two Hawkeyes build a campfire and hang out and talk while roasting what looks like marshmallows. It is also never explained where they got the marshmallows.

Their conversations are hilarious. I just really enjoy the chemistry between these two. They are best friends and it is fun to read them just enjoy each other’s company.  Clint lets Kate try on his mask and she is very excited about it.

kate in hawkeye mask

They’ve been chatting for a while and eating and drinking around this campfire so eventually a villain pops out informing them that he could see the campfire and hear their arguing from miles away. In response they Sproing him right in the target and send him packing back to his time zone or wherever these defeated people are heading. Also Boomerang is there and Kate Fwips him right in the target. These targets are located right above the genitals so missing would really injure these dudes… I would imagine.

Kate is beginning to learn more about the situation she is in. She mentions to Hawkeye that she saw Bullseye earlier and Hawkeye says he has no idea who that is, WHICH MEANS, she is not the only one from the future here.

Although they’re both unsure of how they got to the island Clint has an idea of why he’s there, he heard about the game and wanted to participate in it for a large sum of money. But he has no memory after except waking up in the forest and seeing all of these villains. He knew that the villains would be in it for a blood bath and not for the sport of it so his mission in this book is to send everyone packing, fairly, and with lives in tact.

HE’S A HERO!!

The Hawkeyes stumble upon what they believe is the headquarters and they make a plan. They’re going to split up. Kate is going to infiltrate the headquarters and Hawkeye will draw out the other marksmen and take them down. But then out of nowhere comes The Swordsman, Clint’s old mentor. Or just mentor. If it’s not current does that mean it’s old? IDK Anyways Clint don’t trust him and is like “You’re def behind this whole shit.” And Swordsman is like “nah, b that ain’t me.”

Swordsman and Hawkeye unwillingly team up to take down the remaining villains.

Kate has a stunning realization that she and Clint are a lot alike since their father figures are bad people blah blah blah.

Hawkeye gets attacked by Taskmaster but is able to take him down very quickly because the Taskmaster wears a cape. And that is stupid.

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I would say the whole ensemble is a mistake.

Meanwhile, Kate has found the headquarters, the “mastermind?”, and Crossfire. Kate sends an arrow right at Crossfire as he fires back at her. He is not wearing a belt that will teleport him back to his time like her, so she settles for tying him up and leaving him on the ground like a hog-tied pig while she talks to the “mastermind.”

The mastermind is named Eden and she is not the mastermind behind everything after all… it is indeed The Swordsman like Clint surmised. Eden is simply Swordsman’s protege. She is able to manipulate time and space. COOL!!!!

Kate gets whacked in the face with the Ace of Spades which is way funnier if you read the dialogue of this comic book, and Eden, Kate and Swordsman take cover behind a table because they only know one guy who kills people with playing cards.

Bullseye. Did you guess that?

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Y’think?!!! What an Asshat this blue-haired chick is

Hawkeye arrives and battles Bullseye and its a goooood battle. Somehow Clint’s shirt gets ripped to shreds and yet he hasn’t a mark on him.

Swordsman announces that this whole thing was his idea to get Clint back in his life. Eden is like “wtf Swordsman? I thought you liked me. You are such a bitch. I’m sending you away now because I can.” So she teleports Swordsman and Crossfire away then gives Clint a remote so he can teleport himself home, too. BTW this remote has one button on it. It looks more like a detonator than a body-slide by one or whatever. But before he can ask any questions she disappears too.

Clint regrets not hitting on Eden, Kate smacks her face in annoyance.

They hang out on a cliff together while Kate waits for a ride off the island. I don’t know who is going to pick her up? She ends up just dissolving into thin air as Clint snores, because he fell asleep on the edge of a cliff.

Nothing makes sense.

But this was an amazing comic book. It made me laugh and I’m getting #2 ASAP because this is the kind of stuff I like to read. Little one-off stories that are fun and are about friendship and hearts and rainbows and hot pink booties.

I love you Hawkeyes! That’s why you’re tatted on my arm forevahh.

 

The Baddest Marvel Betches That Need Their Own Movies STAT

Women are people! Women are heroes! Wow! It’s crazy, but it’s true. Women are continuously making strides all around the world, and these triumphs stretch all the way into the comic book universe. Thanks to the successes of Wonder Woman, Jessica Jones and Supergirl headlining movies and TV shows, finally, the women of comic books are proving that anything men can do, women can do, too! Do you remember the epic failures that were Catwoman and Elektra? Well it’s now time that female characters must rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix force, and prove their  worthiness. Wonder Woman made it loud and clear that it is time and Marvel needs to step their game up. In case Marvel needs some help racking their brains for some good leading ladies, I’ve taken it upon myself to brainstorm some awesome women who are ripe for the box office.

wasp

  1. Wasp

Wasp is #10 because it would be hard to do a movie without the original Ant-Man extremely present. Imagine how good a Wasp / Ant-Man movie would be that is set in the 1960s?! There’s tons of “ will they/won’t they” in the beginning of their relationship. Hank didn’t think he was good enough for the rich and beautiful Wasp, while Wasp just wanted him to realize she loves him the way he is. The pair will have audiences rooting for their love all the while Wasp is beating the crap out of bad guys and Hank hangs out in a science lab. Together they save the world and each other. It’s a like a rom-com..ic book movie. It would also be the perfect Ant-Man prequel.

black cat

  1. Black Cat

Felicia Hardy has always been one of my personal favorites, so maybe I’m a little bias about her popularity and ability to draw in a big crowd. Argument in favor: Blade was a D-list comic book character but became an A-list movie. She’s at #9 because any movie that could truly do her justice would have to come with the rating R and I don’t know how cool Disney is with that.  Her origin story cannot leave out her traumatizing rape which compelled her to learn how to fight and later follow in the footsteps of her criminal father. Felicia has got a lot of issues and leaving those things out wouldn’t do the character justice. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, some of the best characters were made in the 90s and early 2000s because they were majorly flawed.

Valkyrie

  1. Valkyrie

So, there are two choices for Valkyrie: Brunnhilde or Samantha. Personally, I say, why not do both? Begin the movie with Brunnhilde being asked to lead a group of warrior goddesses by Odin in Asgard, which leads to some sort of battle where she is slain, but her soul is contained in a mysterious crystal (sound familiar?), where the soul is later combined with the human body of Samantha Parrington. Samantha must now juggle the issues in her old human life with her brand new powers. Voila! I just wrote the elevator pitch.

Spider-Woman

  1. Spider-Woman

Jessica Drew, the best Spider-Woman of all time, IMHO, has one of the most interesting origin stories starting from when she was a child growing up on a uranium farm, to her father injecting her with arachnid’s blood to save his ailing child (From the uranium poison that he brought upon her. The way she discovered her long dormant powers wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for her either. Her struggle to be good or evil is also heavily prevalent. She’s one of the most unique superheroes of all time. Fight me. A movie about her would also be heavy with nerd-gasm inducing cameos by major marvel characters, like her friends Black Widow, Nick Fury and Daredevil…Hmmm if only those characters were relevant today…
carole danvers

  1. Captain Marvel

This feminist icon grew up with a father who treated her as if she were inferior to her two brothers. This girl had to make it on her own, and she did it better than I could. She started by joining the air force and killing it there to becoming head of security at NASA. After working for NASA and being demoted, she wrote a tell-all book about her personal victimization and was villainized afterwards. (I wonder where the writers got that inspiration from?!) Her life is already interesting enough to capture an audience that the story of how she got her Kree powers is almost gratuitous.

J Law

  1. Mystique

Basically any part of Mystique’s life could be recreated into a movie. The problem with Mystique is she’s almost too interesting. Mystique has lived so long and done so much that a movie about her could stretch into being 500 hours long. There could be a movie about how she met Nightcrawler’s demon father while she was married to a Baron. Or the story of how she became the adoptive mother of Rogue. Or how she created her own brotherhood of mutants without the help of Magneto… the point is Mystique has done a lot more than be Magneto’s right hand woman.

X-2302

  1. X-23 / Wolverine

She already had an origin story told from Old Man Logan, so I think we need to see her 10 or so years in the future in a spin off movie. Picture this: Laura Kinney dons the Wolverine moniker, fashions a costume of blue and yellow, and takes after good ol’ dad.

Tigra

  1. Tigra

This movie would be so good. As a college sophomore, Greer Nelson drops out of school at the insistence of her lame cop boyfriend only for said cop boyfriend to get killed. This forces her to take a job as a lab assistant. If you work in a science lab you have no choice but to become a superhero, those are just the facts. Tigra gains amazing cat-like abilities, then there is a mysterious explosion where she finds her mentor dead, forcing her to spring into action and find out what really went down and why. I think a good foe for her character would be Kraven the Hunter, since they are both hunters and rely on instinct.

Domino

  1. Domino

This would be such an easy movie to make I’m surprised it hasn’t been done yet! Exactly like Wolverine and Deadpool, she’s a weapon X program gone wrong, and she goes out on her own fighting as a mercenary before finding some friends to team-up with. Birds of a feather make major box-office hits. Neena Thurman is a child born to the US government as basically, a science experiment (normal) but she is one of the only survivors of the experiments (normal), then she was stolen by a cult that worshipped the mutant she got her powers from and was later delivered to a priest where she was raised until her powers formed (abnormal). Okay screenwriters that’s 30 minutes I just gave you right there.

storm

  1. Storm

Ororo Monroe was left homeless and orphaned at 5 years old. Luckily she was found by a street gang and taken under their wing where she became an excellent thief. Who would have thought the resident good girl of the X-Men began her career as a common thief? Ororo was later taken in by a tribe woman after her powers had emerged and this tribe woman taught her to be a hero in a world of evil. She became a goddess to this tribe because ya know she can control weather, and eventually she has to go toe-to-toe with another weather manipulator, Deluge. The movie is already laid out: Parents dead. She’s taken in by someone who trains her. She realizes what she’s been doing is wrong and learns her lesson. She learns to wield her powers. Then proves herself by winning a huge battle where something or someone is saved. And here’s the last scene of the movie:

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Boom.